The Taras Family

The BEST chicken taco salad you'll EVER eat!

2012-02-10T12:21:00.003-06:00

First off, I apologize for the lack of photo. This salad was so pretty- and so YUMMY that I scarfed it down before I thought to take a pic. However, the NEXT time we have this salad, I will try to control myself long enough to take a picture.

Secondly, I'd like to thank my friend, Julie Florez for her amazing taco chicken recipe for the crockpot. Without which, said salad would have never come into existence. Okay....here's the rest.

Chicken taco lime salad:

Taco Chicken:

4 chicken breasts (I used frozen)

Medium carton of pico de gallo

1 pkt of taco seasoning, mild (or make your own)

About a half cup of water

In Crockpot: sprinkle taco seasoning on bottom of crockpot. Lay chicken breasts on top. (I put them in frozen- SCORE!) Pour pico on top and add water. Cover, cook on high for about 3-4 hours. Pull out chicken breasts and shred with fork. Put back in crockpot and continue on low for at least an hour or till ready to eat.

Salad:

Herb Mix salad

chopped tomatoes

chopped avocado

chopped purple onion

chopped bell pepper (I used red and orange)

chopped cilantro

shredded cheddar cheese (I use white sharp)

lime wedge

Assembly:

I put down my salad first, then added chicken, then avocado. THEN KEY MOMENT: Squeeze lime wedge over meat and avocado. (TRUST me...you don't wanna miss this!) Then layer all other ingredients on top. You can also add sour cream, but I avoided it so I could have more cheese.

Cross my heart and hope to die if THIS is not the best salad you've ever had. Well....how about instead, if you don't like it...you just bring it to me! ;o)

Celebrating!!!!!

2012-01-31T17:30:00.003-06:00

Whooop! Just wanted to share that it's been 2 weeks since Ezra has had his reflux medication! It appears as though he's grown out of the painful part! We still have to mix cereal with his formula or he spits up quite a bit- BUT that's still a victory in my book!

Now we can get on with just enjoying life with some normalcy. (Whatever that means....)

He has also obtained two teeth (see picture above- excuse his shirt-he's a messy eater!) and started trying to crawl! He gets up on his hands and knees and then face plants. (haha!)

Thankful to the Lord for overcoming this hurdle!

Ash heaps

2011-12-28T13:47:00.002-06:00

This week I received a letter from Arrow Adoption Agency inquiring about our case file. We hadn't gotten any more paper work or requirements met and they were wondering if we were still interested in adoption at this time. With a bittersweet feeling, I wrote them back letting them know that we actually just had a baby 4 months ago and to please keep our family's paperwork on file. (You cannot adopt from this agency within one year of a death or birth in the family)

That must be why this crossed my mind at 2am this morning while rocking and feeding Ezra.

Ash heaps.

The thing we like to remember the most about Job is when he lost everything he had and still proclaimed "Blessed be the name of the Lord". We find comfort in the words and the thought that no matter if the Lord gives to us or takes away things in life, we will praise Him. Because He is worthy and loving. It's true. He is. But we never think about the ash heap. We never think about Job sitting and scraping his boils in absolute "God just kill me" grief, among ashes. Maybe it's that we don't think that is worthy of anything? Maybe we assume that when Job boldly proclaimed his faith no matter his state, that was more pleasing to his Creator? Maybe we think that when we feel desperate and broken somehow that doesn't also bring glory to the Lord? Maybe it's not as praise worthy? Or maybe it's just not as pretty? I'm not sure what it is about us that lifts up one and forgets or dismisses the other.

I sat in an ash heap on and off for two years. In absolute grief and pain. And like Job, at times, "God just kill me", grief. Job even went further than that...he wished he had never even been born. That's pain. That's "being at the end of yourself, don't understand anything in life", real, deep pain. For me, that is comforting. Job was human. It's the kindness of the Lord that would add that to the story. The goodness of a loving Father who knows his children. He knows we will feel this way in life. He knows that an example of a person who lost it all and just went on bounding through life with a smile on his face would never encourage the broken. He also knows, there isn't a human on the planet who would respond that way, even though we sometimes try to portray it as such.

It amazes me, when reading Job how he first did have such a seemingly strong, full of faith response. Then moments later, he's covered in ashes wishing he'd never been born. That's how grief works. It comes later. The deep pain always comes later. Maybe we're just in shock at first. Maybe it's the Lord's grace that keeps us strong in the moment. I'm not sure...but I do know it always comes later. I had several people ask me, "But you were so strong before, why are you upset NOW? How did you get from point A to point B?" Almost a "What did you do wrong?" kind of question.

Though, I didn't do anything wrong. Funny how Job's friends thought that too. I think honestly, humans just want a quick fix. With themselves, and with others. We want out of that ash heap as fast as possible. We want others out of their ash heap even quicker. Quite frankly, if it were up to us, there would be no ash heaps. No grief. No sorrow. No loss.

As I sat thinking about all of these things, I looked down at the baby in my lap. Soft puffy cheeks and long beautiful eyelashes that curl up all the way to his expressive perfect eyebrows. Such a sweet beautiful gift. Then it hit me. What if there was no ash heap? What if there had been no miscarriages, no grief, no loss. Then I wouldn't have this baby. I remember crying out to the Lord, with each loss "But I wanted THIS baby!!!" The Lord knew. He knew which baby he would grow to fruition. He knew which baby he would lay in my arms. It would be this baby. Of course, I see it clearly now.

It was impossible for me to imagine this outcome while I was in the ash heap. Though, it was in that ash heap that I came to the end of me. In the ash heap that I questioned and searched God. All that I've read and heard about God became visible as He began to show me Himself, just the way he did Job. It's there in that ash heap that I saw His grace and love. Patience and power. Gentleness and greatness! He picked me up out of that ash heap, dusted me off, kissed my cheeks, and sent me back into a life he would bless more than I could imagine. A new love, a new life that I would never have apart from that ash heap.

I love the Lord's middle of the night lessons to me:

"Don't belittle or underestimate what I'm doing in the midst of an ash heap. In your life, or the lives of my other children."

He gave us Himself

2011-12-23T09:05:00.003-06:00

For the past couple of years now I've just been surrounding myself with gospel centered teaching. Whatever I can read or listen to, to better help me understand just what it is that Jesus did for me and what that means for my life. It all started with the book of John. I spent two years in that book- and it rocked my world. I started seeing Jesus in a way that I'd never understood before. From there the Lord has taken me deeper and deeper into the gospel and opened my eyes to who He is, what He did, and the point of it all. So last night, I began to ponder something.

Jesus gave us Himself.

I was thinking about Jesus washing the disciples feet. (John 13) This is the first passage that opened my eyes to the sweetness of Jesus and his love for the disciples. The Lord drew my attention to something different this time.

Here are the disciples, sitting around with nasty feet about to eat dinner. Jesus, pondering all that is about to take place, quietly gets up from the table and begins washing their feet. You know the story, Peter immediately freaks out and insists that Jesus NOT wash his feet. Jesus patiently acknowledges Peter's lack of understanding and continues. Peter continues to insist Jesus do no such thing...and Jesus tells Peter he can have no part with Jesus if he does not wash him. So then Peter exclaims, "Lord, not my feet only, but my hands and my head!!" To which the Lord replied, "He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean."

So here's what struck me. The disciples didn't know they had a need. They didn't even think about the fact that their feet were dirty. They were perfectly happy to sit in their own filth. Yet Jesus saw more than dirty feet. He saw dirty hearts that needed cleansing. The disciples were already believers. They were already one with Jesus...but because of their fallen humanity, they still had sin in their hearts. However, to address their problem, Jesus didn't stand up and give them 5 steps to loving their neighbor better, or a lecture on not serving the Lord like they should, or that the real problem they had was selfishness that stemmed from their pride. He quietly got up and gave them Himself. Jesus saw the need. Jesus met the need.

Sure He went on to explain what He was doing and why. He gave them an example to follow. However, he did more than just that. He did for them what they could never do for themselves.

He didn't just model humility for them. He became their humility.

He is giving us Himself. Daily, the areas in my heart that need cleansing that I don't see, He is gently picking up the basin and towel and washing me. When I am content to sit in my own filth and I don't understand...He is there, patiently washing. Patiently being my example. But much more than that....because He knows I can't obtain it on my own, He is my righteousness.

Love stirs up love

2011-12-02T07:51:00.003-06:00

It never ceases to amaze me. The Lord is constantly showing His lovingkindness. He is constantly, gently reaching for me and teaching me the truth about who He is. Time and time again, I forget this great LOVE. Does He get tired of showing me? Proving Himself? Reminding me? No, like a loving Father He continues to scoop me up and hold me to his side despite my unbelief.

This week has been a stressful week for me. Self inflicted stress. Is there really any other kind? Ezra's medicine is extremely expensive. Our budget covers it just fine (if you don't account for all of the hundreds of dollars in "unexpected" surprises that seem to drain the account each month, of course! LOL!) But generally speaking, it works out just fine. So long as there are 30 days in a month. You see, usually when you fill a script it's a 30 day supply. However, this time of year...you have those glorious 31 day months. Which, if you do the math- means in one month, you have to DOUBLE the prescriptions. So here I am thinking about the month of December. How on EARTH are we going to shell out over $300 in medication PLUS Christmas?

Que stress headache.

Yesterday I called in his most expensive medication. Generic costs about $78. I get a return phone call.

"Ma'am, the manufacturer no longer makes this medication. We have five pills left."

PANIC!!!!!!!

"Okay, how much will the Prevacid be, non-generic?"

"Hundreds of Dollars."

My heart drops. What on EARTH are we going to do now? 31 days....hundreds of dollars....times two....

"So do you want the five pills?"

"Um...I don't know...I'm not sure what to do..."

Que God's sweet grace

"Well, we DO have the generic in liquid form."

"Um, can he take that? Does it cost less than the Prevacid, non generic?"

"Yes, he should be able to. Just have your doctor calls us and verify the script change. Yes it is quite a bit less."

My heart slows down. I realize the phone is a bit slippery from my hand sweating like crazy. Is it hot in here??

Later that evening, Dallas gets home with the new medication. I check the receipt. $37.04. Wait...what?! Is this just a two week supply then? We do the math. No. This is a 36 day supply. Not only did they give us enough for the 31 days, but it continued on for 36. At half the cost.

Last night I was so bewildered. This morning I'm in awe. God is so gracious to me. In the midst of my not trusting, trying to figure it out myself to the extent of making myself sick, here comes His gentle hand. Not a harsh lesson. Not a stern finger shaking in my face. A gracious hug and a loving brushing away of the tears and the fear. This is who He is.

There's a good chance I'll soon forget again. No wonder he likens us to sheep. He will never get tired of showing me His love. He will never grow tired of teaching me to trust Him. He will never stop being my loving Father. Love stirs up love.

Our plans, His path.

2011-11-02T16:25:00.004-05:00

"You will show me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore." (Ps 16:11)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, (Jer 29:11a)

Monday night, we went Trick-or-Treating with some friends in their neighborhood. They had a costume contest at their POA so we went to watch. Sitting in a chair in front of me was a woman. Over her shoulder peered this tiny little girl, probably about a year old. She had the biggest brown eyes you've ever seen with long black eye lashes. Her hair was dark, curly, sticking out all over the place. Clearly, this little girl was adopted, because her parents looked nothing like her. They were familiar to me, but I couldn't place them. The sweet little girl had her gaze fixed on me. Her eyes were like deep, dark pools that just danced with delight. I swear those eyes were piercing into my very soul! She was so precious. She was so happy and content in her mothers arms. So friendly and ready to smile at anyone who caught her eye. She is such a gift.

Ezra was sitting happily in his stroller next to me, just taking in the scenery. It hit me for a moment. Just a moment. The Lord had made his path for us clear. At least for now. As I looked at that beautiful little girl, I remembered those feelings of wanting so badly to adopt a little girl just like her. Yet, sitting next to me was the Lord's plan. A beautiful little boy with my husbands nose and my fair skin. It wasn't a conflicting feeling at all. A feeling of contentment. A feeling of thanksgiving for what the Lord had given me. A beautiful baby boy that I love and adore more than I could have ever imagined. Yet there was also such a stirring in my heart as I exchanged smiles with that little girl.

I'm thankful for the journey that the Lord had us on while waiting for Ezra. We learned so much from those adoption classes and it gave me such a great perspective. I still hope for that day. I still long to have a baby of my own with dark brown eyes and curly dark hair. Though, right now I'm so thankful for how the Lord worked it all out for our family. I'm SO thankful for Ezra. Even with the difficult start to his little life. He is more precious to me than words can express.

Later the next day, Dallas confirmed that we did in fact know that couple. They had taken the adoption classes with us. I remember them clearly know. They are both EMT's.

It's just funny to me how we think we are on one path, and yet the Lord has plans of his own. Yet nothing is ever a waste. I am curious to see how the Lord uses these deeply implanted desires in the future.

Family Update- Ezra 10 weeks!

2011-10-24T09:14:00.004-05:00

Ezra is 10 weeks old today! He is so precious and snuggable! His little cheeks have gotten so round and chunky! I think I spend all day just kissing and chomping them! (As does the rest of the family!) I think however, in doing so, I gave Ezra my cold. I thought they were just allergies...but a weeks worth of rough days and nights of him not being able to sleep due to a runny stuffy nose, leads me to believe otherwise.

Here is Ezra just laughing at Naomi! She is SUCH an amazing big sister! She can make him laugh so easily. I'm so excited to be able to watch their little relationship begin. Little brothers are such an amazing blessing and it brings my heart such joy that my daughter gets to experience that!

She is a big helper! She has also become the BEST baby burper EVER! ;o)

Ezra makes the FUNNIEST faces. He looks so much like his daddy. His expressions crack me up. He has finally gotten the hang of the swing. He enjoys it sometimes...but he has to be "in the mood".

Here is the one and only time that my plan to stick him in the bumbo chair actually worked. He played in it for about 30 minutes. Haven't been able to figure out how I propped him up in it the first time! HAHA! He just kinda falls forward now. He loves his little play gym and has figured out how to "punch" the toys that hang down and make them move. So funny to watch those little wheels spinning already!

Family life is still NOT back to normal. It has been a rough transition to say the least. Over the past two months, we've been to church twice. In addition to that, Ezra has ventured out of our home on 2 occasions. Once to an open house (our dear family friend opened her vet clinic, very exciting!!!) and the other, to my mom's this past weekend to see my sister and her little boy for his birthday. Apart from doctor's visits...that's it! I leave our home 1 day each week to go and pick up groceries. We have had to turn down some sweet time with friends and family as well, but I'm thankful for this time of quiet down time. (Quiet is a VERY relative term these days! LOL!)

It's been a good time of just learning to lean on the Lord and my family. To just appreciate them more and just soak up time with them. I know that Ezra's days as a baby are numbered. I look at Naomi, who is now 7 and it just blows my mind! I think, "where did the time go?!" I can honestly say that I have more memories of being busy at the time she was a baby than actual memories of her as a baby. Which, breaks my heart. None of them were bad things at all. Mostly times of serving. Though a part of me wishes that I would have taken a break and just enjoyed my daughter more.

As we've had to let EVERY ministry outside the 4 walls of our home go (remember, GREAT ministry takes place INSIDE!), it's been a wonderful reminder to me that there will ALWAYS be an opportunity to serve in the church. There will always be friends to spend time with, bible studies to attend, worship songs to be played, children's church to be taught...but there will NOT always be a time when I have little children looking at me with eyes of wonder and needs to fill. There will not always be times to comfort a crying baby, or silly dances to watch. There will not always be story time, homeschooling, or a million pictures to find a place for on the fridge. There will not always be middle of the night feedings or a baby to rock. This time is fleeting! So while I miss my church and I miss my friends, they will always be there. However, my children are always one day closer to moving out of my home. So, for today instead of being sad about all that I can't do away from home, I'll be thankful that my children are still small and living in my home!

....and to keep from losing my mind in the meantime, I'll enjoy some social media. My only "peek" into the outside world! ;o)

Our new "normal" :o)

2011-10-03T07:50:00.003-05:00

Meet Ezra Michael Taras :o) Isn't he just adorable!!!!???!!! Well, the Lord made sure he was cute because of the following:

Labor was pretty rough- they almost had to take him by Cesarean. Thanks to God's grace and an amazing doctor, that didn't happen! We had to stay extra days in the hospital because he was jaundiced. Which also meant that he had to stay under the bilirubin lights and we couldn't hold him. :o( We finally get to come home from the hospital (yay!) only to find that he would scream around the clock. (boo!) So after about 2 weeks of no sleep and scream sessions that would last anywhere from 2-6 hours at a time, the doctor concluded that he had Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. (GERD) Which means that his little muscle at the base of his esophagus isn't functioning properly, therefore whatever he eats comes back up very painfully. Hence, all the screaming.

So here we are at week 7 and things are looking much better! (Yay!) His medications finally seem to be working. However, since he has GERD, we've been very careful about not letting him cry since it only adds more pain to his already raw throat. Which means, anytime he's fussed, we've held him: nights included. Now from the hours of 2am and 6am he wakes up every 30 minutes and fusses unless we wake up and give him his pacifier. So now it's "D day". Baby wise sleep training!!! He really has to learn to put himself back to sleep and stay asleep so that he can get the sleep he needs (and so can WE!) Plus, this will help me give him his around the clock medications more consistently on time.

So how are the rest of us doing?!

Naomi has been a WONDERFUL big sister! She just loves Ezra so much and loves to help out any way she can. She's an expert "burper". In fact, there are times that I can't get Ezra to burp...and all I have to do is call on Naomi! ;o) She has started school and is doing wonderful with that! I'm thankful for an independent child!

Dallas is so wonderful! I am thankful for him! He has been awesome through this whole process, taking feedings and helping during the screaming fits- even when he has to be at work early! It's been a sweet blessing watching him have a son. We've been doing a lot of talking about Mike (Dallas' dad) and how there are so many things that Dallas appreciated about him that he wants to pass on to his own son. It's bittersweet and we wish that Papa Mike were here to enjoy his grandkids!

I'm hanging in there! I'm absolutely in LOVE with my little guy- he is so precious! This past week I had my 6 week postpartum doctors visit. As I sat there in her office, I realized that it has been exactly one year ago that I was sitting in her office with a broken heart hoping that she would have an answer as to why I keep having miscarriages. Now I have a beautiful baby boy! God is so faithful! Even this past Sunday at church (YAY! I got to go to church finally!!!!) as we were singing "Blessed be the name of the Lord" it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the past two years that song has held such meaning to me. That even when the Lord "takes away" He is good. He has a beautiful purpose behind every painful trial that I endure. I have sang that song in church and in private over the years and my heart just burst! It's such a hard truth to sing and confess when life hurts. Now I was able to stand there with my little baby and sing that song as an offering of thanks for the times that the Lord "gives". God is so good!! These past few weeks have also been a "testing" ground, if you will, for all the Lord has taught me about His grace. As I sat for hours on end trying desperately to comfort my little baby, not being able to read any books, or my bible, not being able to go to church, talk on the phone, or even listen to any sermons online (all due to the screaming) the Lord has shown me that there is NOTHING that I can do to make him love me more or less. I can't earn his favor. He sank that truth so deep in my heart over the past couple of months and I am so thankful for that! It's not about what we DO it's about who Jesus IS and what He's DONE! We can just rest in Him! What a beautiful hope!! :o)

So we are just getting back into the swing of life. Slowly but surely! I'm so thankful for my sweet family of 4!!!!! What a blessing!

***and for those who've not heard this song, here it is on you tube***

I shall be anointed with fresh oil- Ps 92:10

2011-07-20T08:27:00.003-05:00

Just a few more weeks until we get to hold our sweet baby Ezra! I just sit and wonder what he will look like. Will he have eyes like his sister? Will he have a button nose like his daddy? Will he have chubby cheeks? I also sit around and think "I can't WAIT for this to be over!!!" It's that time in the pregnancy where you just feel uncomfortable, sluggish, exhausted, and plain gross...all I want to do is stay in my pj's all day long! (Ok, I always want to do that anyway...but now it's worse! LOL!)

So, needless to say, my physical self feels pretty worn out and is ready to feel normal again. I have found also, that my spiritual self is feeling more like my physical self these days. Sluggish, exhausted, foggy. The passion and excitement I usually have for the Lord is more like...eh? lately. I realize this is a season in my life...which will probably not get better as I lose more sleep and begin those middle of the night feedings! So this morning, as I was desiring to have something nourish my soul- and help me to think more about the Lord (without overloading my brain) I reached for my Susannah Spurgeon devotional. (well, it's Jenn's devotional that I'm long-term borrowing, LOL!) To no surprise, the Lord used her meditations on the scriptures to wipe the sleep out of my spiritual eyes and awaken my sluggish soul from slumber. I just thought I would share a snip-et of that devotional on my blog...in hopes to encourage any of my slumbering friends out there! :o)

"I shall be anointed with fresh oil. How wonderfully do your mercy and my need meet together here! My soul's necessities make a happy pretext for the outpouring of your grace. When your love wakens me in the morning- how cheering is the thought that this anointing awaits my poor listless, sluggish, corroded soul! The renewing of the Holy Ghost, the quickening of the Spirit, the coming of the Comforter- these are the precious ingredients, which give beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and make the face to shine with heaven's reflected glory. I shall be anointed with fresh oil. O my dear Lord, you alone know the deep and constant need I have of this anointing which teacheth all things. Sometimes, my spiritual life seems to come to a deadlock, like a delicate piece of machinery which is clogged by rust and grime. Scarce a desire heavenward moves the lagging wheels, only a feeble heart-throb, now and again, proves the motive-power to be still lingering within. My soul cleaveth unto the dust, and my whole being is deadened, till I cry, 'Quicken Thou me, O Lord!' Then in a wonderful answer to my call, there comes the whispered word of power and deliverance, 'I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes', and the soul feels the blessed softening and life-giving working of the Holy Spirit, as she shakes herself from the dust, and utters once again the glad assurance, 'I shall be anointed with fresh oil.'

Guilty on all accounts

2011-07-07T10:13:00.006-05:00

Part of me is super hesitant in even blogging about the Casey Anthony trial. It seems like everywhere I turn (Christian or secular) blogs are being written about what should have taken place and how I should be responding. I keep hearing things online from Christians like "don't judge lest you be judged" or "pull the log out of your own eye" or a million other reasons why this shouldn't be "such a big deal" to me. Those types of things infuriate me. For one, the verses are pulled from their intended context and manipulated to make me feel badly for being outraged at something so awful and evil. The Lord is outraged at what took place (and He fully understands and knows exactly what took place). Secondly, I should be broken that something so awful would take place...it is right to respond in disgust to what is disgusting. Thirdly, I can look with discernment in any given situation and see that something here is fishy. No, I may not know exactly who murdered this beautiful little girl- but obviously something is terribly wrong- and I can feel frustrated that the mother wasn't held accountable for her part in this situation that is known. I personally find it irritating when people try and tell me how to respond to any given situation and manipulate the scriptures to back up their point. So that's not at all what I'm about to do (just to clarify).

I am a woman with a weak weak stomach- and so I honestly could not read into this case very deeply. I do understand the gist of it all and of course, I'm upset just like anyone else. It just grieves my heart- the whole thing. The situation, the mother's behavior, the cruddy prosecution, the lack of evidence- and the disregard to the evidence given, the lame jurors, all of it. However, the Lord has just brought to my mind some things that have given me great comfort in a world of such chaos. So my intent in writing is just to share what the Lord has whispered into my heart through his word...and has reminded me of His beautiful character and His absolute authority over situations just like this one.

I keep thinking about how she got pardoned from some pretty steep accusations. Aggravated man slaughter of a child, aggravated child abuse, first degree murder- found not guilty on all accounts. Not guilty....the only thing she got charged for was lying. Lying??!! That's it?!!?! My blood has been boiling since yesterday when I heard the news. It doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fair...why and how does she walk away from all of this just a liar?!

Then the Lord reminded me of a scripture that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10)

Before the Lord, the perfect Judge, this woman is guilty on ALL accounts because she stumbled in one. Even if all this woman did was lie...that is enough to offend a Holy God and condemn her for the entire law and therefore deserves the ultimate death penalty.

"For the wages of sin is death...."

(Romans 6:23)

My heart rested assured knowing that no matter what, whoever hurt this poor little girl, ultimately will not walk away free. They will face the Ultimate Judge. They will pay the price for this unthinkable crime. However, my heart was only at rest for a moment...because the Lord reminded me of another verse.

You have heard it was said to those of old, "You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgement. But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement." (Matthew 5: 21)

I began to think about my day. I spent the entire day angry with my daughter. I raised my voice to her, I was unloving, impatient, rude, and angry. Just flat out angry. I had stumbled in one point...I had not kept the law to not be angry with my daughter...and the guilt of her blood was now on my hands. My heart was broken. The Lord quickly humbled me to realize that I am no better than a murderer before Him. I am guilty of the entire law too. OUCH!

I'm not saying that it changes my perspective as far as being upset at the verdict of this case. I'm not saying that somehow that makes what took place okay. I'm just saying that it humbled me and reminded me of my desperate need for Christ. Apart from Jesus, I have the record of a murderer, a child abuser, an adulterer, an idolater, and the list goes on and on. I need Jesus' perfect record and His blood that was shed for my completely tainted, long as the eye can see, list of offenses.

Bottom line? This world is full of disappointments, despair, wrong verdicts, hate, violence, and the list goes on and on- because of man's sinfulness. It's heartbreaking and frustrating. It should be. I should always be upset about injustice. God loves justice. Thankfully, he also loves mercy. Apart from that mercy I would be hopeless. Because of that mercy, I can look forward to the day when He makes this world as it should be. Free of sin and it's effects on you and me.

"Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." (Romans 3:20-25)

Sweet Words

2011-05-18T09:24:00.002-05:00

I have been reading Susannah Spurgeon's Morning Devotions "Free Grace and Dying Love" and let me just say...I LOVE HER! Her meditations on the scriptures are just so sweet to my soul. She truly knew the Love of the Lord! I thought I'd share a little excerpt from what I read this morning. Mostly because I so needed to hear it! Secondly, because it's beautiful and encouraging to anyone who reads it!

The Kindness Of God

"My Kindness shall not depart from thee." ( Isa 54:10)

O my loving Lord, let the support and comfort of this precious 'shall not' sink deep into my soul this morning and strengthen me to face every difficulty, and resist every evil, and bear any trial with the courage such an assurance gives! Or, make it a sweet resting-place and refuge for me, Lord, where I may be sheltered from all the disturbing changes fo the world around me. Though friends may grow cold, and times may change, and circumstances may alter, and old age may creep on, and infirmities may gather themselves together, and flesh and heart may fail- yes, though my feet touch the cold waters of the river of death- this promise will stand firm and true, and your kindness shall not depart from me for ever, for it shall present me 'faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy.' - Susannah Spurgeon

another look....

2011-05-05T11:50:00.005-05:00

In my last post I was sharing what a difference our focus on scripture makes in our sanctification process. It totally matters which part of scripture I am focused on. I gave a step by step example of how to work through the scripture for your benefit- with a gospel focus rather than a law focus. This sets us free in ways we can't even begin to imagine!

This morning, I read a blog by my new favorite preacher, blogger, evangelical, Tullian. He always takes what I'm trying to say and says it a million times better! So I thought I'd share a snipet to get you hooked...and then give you the link. It's short and sweet and well worth the read.

"The good commands of God, in other words, do not have the power to engender what they command. They show us what a sanctified life looks like but they have no sanctifying power. Only the gospel has the power to move us forward. This is why the Bible never tells us what to do before first soaking our hearts and minds in what God in Christ has already done."

By George, I think she's getting it!

2011-04-28T08:32:00.007-05:00

Recently, I've been reading a LOT of gospel centered material! Per my last post, it has been the most riveting time in my life! The Lord has opened my eyes to the fact that I am not only saved by his grace- but I am sanctified by that same grace. Too long I have lived in the mind set that it is up to me to change myself. This new shift in focus has been challenging to me as now I see that the true work is not going out and making myself better, it's working hard to remember who I am in Christ! Constantly trying to see how the gospel intersects my moment by moment living is challenging and exciting! The Lord has been faithful to little by little show me how to practically live out the gospel every day. Yesterday, I think it hit me. (Though, I still have a looooong way to go). I was listening to my new favorite preacher online, Tullian Tchividjian, and he said this:

"What areas in your life are you restless or anxious? It is in those areas that you have trusted in something smaller than Jesus."

He was preaching on Colossians 1: 15-17, which talks about the supremacy of Christ in all things. It was incredible, when I took the areas of my life in which I am quite anxious lately before this passage, immediately I saw things clearly! When you see how BIG Jesus is, everything else pails in comparison!

So I got to thinking...how would I have usually handled my anxiety? EASY! I would have quoted myself Philippians 4: 6 and 7. Which says:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

What's wrong with that? You might ask? That's a great practical verse! To which I would say, yes! You are right! The problem isn't in the verse. The problem lies in my focus of the verse. Here's how I would read this verse before:

"Be anxious for nothing...bla bla bla ..yada yada...bla bla bla." I would totally muddle over the most important parts of this verse! Which contains the very power to overcoming fear and anxiety!!!! I can no more stop being anxious by telling myself "Don't be anxious, don't be anxious, don't be anxious" than I can make myself NOT hungry for a cupcake by saying to myself "Don't desire a cupcake, don't desire a cupcake, don't desire a cupcake"

****BURP!!!!*****

See? The only way that I can use scripture to my benefit is by focusing on the gospel- on Jesus! So here's how I would work through the verse now:

"through Christ Jesus." The only way that I can have the power to not be anxious is through Jesus! He has paid the penalty for my anxiety! Even though I am sitting here freaking out on the inside, I have Jesus' spotless record! It's as if I've never been anxious! God is not further away from me right now because of my anxiety. In fact, Jesus is at the right hand of the father right now praying for me and advocating for me before the Lord. It is through this realization that I can have perfect peace that will surpass the understanding that I have right now. Jesus is enough! Jesus is all I need! It is because of Jesus that I can be at peace knowing that He's got this! I don't need to worry or fear! It is that peace that will allow me to pray with thanksgiving and take my anxieties to the Lord boldly, without guilt, and asking Him to help me! Then I will no longer be anxious! (at least, for the moment...till my sinful flesh creeps back up again- and it's back to Jesus I run!)

Do you see the difference? It is the difference of trying to force myself to not be anxious by my own power, and running to the gospel and seeking true power by God's grace! This is the gospel. This is true Christianity! I encourage my sweet readers to practice this in your bible reading and battles against the flesh! Do not think that by being a Christian, you are finished with the gospel! It is the gospel alone that will grow us in Christ! We need the gospel as much today as the day the Lord opened our eyes and made us a new creature in Him! Run to Jesus, focus on Jesus, and watch how He transforms your heart!

Tasting and Seeing!

2011-04-16T11:57:00.013-05:00

This past week I went through all of my old blog posts and journal entries. I can see the #1 theme of most of them have been my desire to grow in the understanding of God's grace and love. I have spent my Christian life up to date in a desperate search of what God's grace and love is, how it effects my relationship to God, and how it plays out in my every day life. I really like the picture I posted above...because it reflects my heart right now.

I won't even attempt to say that I fully understand God's love or grace. That would just be ridiculous. God's love and grace is so vast we can spend our entire lives searching the depths and still never fully grasp it. However, I fully intend to spend my life swimming in it's riches and drinking in it's beauty!

What I can say is that the Lord has helped me to snorkel along the surface. He has wet my appetite and prepared my palate to go deeper with Him into tasting and savoring the gospel. I can honestly say that I feel as though I have seen and tasted the goodness of the Lord in the gospel for the first time. I am intrigued and enthralled. I am addicted and obsessed. I am for the first time, hungry- truly hungry for the Lord.

At this point, one might ask, "How did you do it?" "Tell me what steps you took to get there!" to which, I can thoroughly disappoint my readers and say I didn't do anything! I can say that for years I have prayed and waited upon the Lord to reveal himself to me. Little bit, by little bit, in His perfect, precious timing, the Lord has shined light into my spiritual retina so that His image in the gospel is more clear. All I did was ask, seek, and wait. He answered. Sometimes through difficult life circumstances. Sometimes through deep spiritual anguish. Sometimes through a book. Sometimes through a verse. Sometimes through a friend. BUT ALWAYS through the spirit sweetly whispering in my ear. ALWAYS through him drawing me "with gentle chords" to Himself. ALWAYS through Him shaping my view.

My view of what? My view of the cross. My view of redemption. My view of justification. My view of sanctification. My view of my own nature. My view of relationship. It's all different. It's as if the Lord took me out of the desert and plopped me down in the middle of paradise. It's lush, it's beautiful, you don't ever want to leave! The best part is- it just keeps getting better! It keeps getting more beautiful. It keeps getting more satisfying. No matter how much I see and enjoy, there is still MORE to see and enjoy!

Ok, you may be thinking- this is wonderful for you...but tell me how to get there. Give me something. All I can do is encourage you in a few areas and give you a few resources that were helpful to me. However, you must know that any understanding of God's grace and love poured out on you does not depend on YOU. It depends on the Lord. It is going to be HIS perfect timing, the Holy Spirit pouring out over your heart, and your waiting upon Him patiently. That being said...

*When you read the bible- look for Jesus. Look for his character. Look at his interactions with the disciples. See who he is. Look for his love for you. Instead of looking at the word and saying "What do I need to DO" look at it and say "What has Jesus already DONE?" Let that be your focus in your quiet times. I recommend the book of John or Colossians.

*Walk with the Lord all day long. Don't just think that by having a strict time of prayer in the morning that you are constituting relationship. You must walk with the Lord and talk to the Lord all day long. You need to ask Him to show you the gospel. You need to ask Him to show you His grace. Be persistent in this quest!

*Remember that the Christian life is about affection. It's about relationship with your savior. It's not about performing for your savior. Seek affection for Him by drenching your mind in His love for you.

*Take heart! Know that the Lord wants you to understand Him. Understanding the rich truths of the gospel and our relationship to God is vital to our Christian life. There is no greater pursuit! He wants you to drink deeply of all that He has for you! He WILL be faithful! :o) Just seek Him!

*Think about it! As you go through your day, constantly be thinking about the declarations of the gospel! Think about what Jesus has done for you! Meditate on it ALL the time!

*Talk about it! Find other people that are centered on grace and dive deep into encouraging conversations with them about Christ and all He has done!

*Read gospel centered material. Here are a few good resources that I have read so far.

*Because He Loves Me- Elyse Fitzpatrick

*The Cross centered life- CJ Mahaney

*The gospel coalition blog (my personal favorite author is Tullian Tchividijan)

*Comforts from the cross- Elyse Fitzpatrick

*Counsel from the Cross- Elyse Fitzpatrick, Dennis Johnson

Hopefully you find this encouraging and helpful in your pursuit of understanding the gospel more clearly. Remember- we never outgrow the gospel as believers! We can only dive deeper!

Do you LIVE in light of "IT IS FINISHED!"

2011-04-08T10:45:00.008-05:00

"Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, "It is finished!" And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit." (John 19:30)

Good Friday and Easter are right around the corner. It is, for Christians, the most beautiful and anticipated holiday of the year. Even Christmas would have no meaning apart from Easter! Conversations, facebook, twitter, sermons, etc. are all going to be centered around the words "It is finished" and "He is risen!" What hope we have in Easter! What joy!

While this is a special time of year for reflection of the cross, I think that we as Christians struggle to live in light of "It is finished!" the other 363 days of the year. As I have been pondering the gospel more and more and how it applies not only to my justification- but how it applies to my moment by moment every day life I have been questioning myself. Do I really live as though "It is finished!"? When I fail to live up to my own standards, the standards of others, and let alone God's standards, do I know that this is true? Do I respond accordingly? Do I know that without a shadow of a doubt no matter what I do or don't do, I am God's beloved child? Do I know that He thinks no less of me? Do I know that He loves me the same? Do I know He is still near? Do I know that I have still been bought with precious blood? When I try to obey the Lord, and I fail- again, and again, and again...do I believe this to be true?

"And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you ALL trespasses. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross." Col. 2: 13-14

We are completely forgiven. We are dead in our trespasses and we are alive in Christ. What does that mean for us then? It means that we are BELOVED CHILDREN of God.

"Therefore be imitators of God as dear children, and walk in love as Christ has also loved us and given Himself for us...." Eph 5:1-2

If we are to have victory in life against sin and self- if we are to be imitators of God, we must be drenching our minds in the truths of Good Friday and Easter every day, moment by moment. Not just once a year. We are dear children and Christ loved us and gave himself for us. It has already been accomplished. That alone is the motivation and power to live for Christ!

Don't wait for Good Friday and Easter to ponder these things. Think about it every second of every day until Christ returns or takes you home! Drench your mind with the words "IT IS FINISHED!" be filled with joy in that truth, and in turn, live!

A Boy??!!!

2011-04-04T11:52:00.003-05:00

Yes, it's true! The Taras family is adding a BOY to the mix! Meet Ezra Michael! He is due to make his appearance on August 17th, 2011!

We are thankful beyond words to the Lord for this amazing blessing! So much has been swirling through my mind as I think about having a boy. First of all, what a GREAT responsibility to raise a man! WoW! Thankfully, he has an amazing example in his father to follow! That thought is closely followed by, "what am I going to do with a boy?! I only know what GIRLS like to do!" Followed by..."BASEBALL STUFF!!!" I can't wait to sit and watch him play ball! Brings back memories of watching his daddy play!

Anyhow, I'd say the realities of this pregnancy are FINALLY setting in. Now begins the shopping for nursery stuff!

Thank you Lord from whose hand ALL things are given!

A peek into my journal | Prov 4:18

2011-03-25T10:17:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer: This will be the first time I have ever shared from my personal journal online. Mostly because my journal is just made up of prayers and reflections on scriptures or happenings in my life that are just between me and the Lord. However, this week I went back and re-read some of my past journal entries and found this one to be so encouraging. My heart just lept with joy thinking about the truths found in the scripture and in the prayer that I wrote reflecting upon it. My only hope in sharing this is to simply encourage my gracious readers to think about the day that is coming for all of us who hope in Christ! What a beautiful glorious day that will be! What hope we have in this present time while we await the fulfillment of that hope! Press on sweet sisters!

November 7, 2009- Proverbs 4:18

"But the path of the just is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter until the perfect day" (NASB, NKJ)

Lord, what an encouraging verse! What hope! What promise! That just as the sun peeks it's face over the horizon and the day begins to break over the darkness, so is the life of a believer. Gradually, bit by bit the sun gets brighter and casts off more light until it reaches the highest point. A bright so bright that it casts out all darkness! This perfect day is coming for me as well! As I am growing and walking with you Lord, your light is shining bright and the darkness is fleeting from the corners of my heart until the perfect day when you take me to be with you, and I stand in your radiant beautiful presence in my glorified, perfected body. Just as the Son, so bright and pure that there is no place for darkness! What a glorious and perfect day this will be! Lord, help me to be encouraged by this verse as I am constantly battling the sin in my heart and the world around me! Help me to take hold of this beautiful promise in those days that seem so dank and dark. Help this verse pierce through the dreary clouds of discouragement and doubt and give me a glimmer of the day that will dawn in an instant. Remind me Lord, this life is but a hand breadth, then there is HEAVEN! Amen.

Comparisons

2011-03-21T13:33:00.002-05:00

"When they measure themselves by themselves, and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise." - 2 Cor 10:12

"When we compare ourselves with others we put one person above the other we either come out on top (pride/ vanity) or we come up short (disappointment with what God gave us). Regardless of how we measure up when we make these comparisons, our motives are selfish rather than loving."- Shannon Ethridge

I think as a woman, I am always struggling with comparisons. Whether it's material things, physical appearances, parenting, preferences or even (gasp!) spiritual things- disciplines, convictions, lessons, etc. Whatever the case may be, it's foolishness.

Instead of asking myself "Am I like her?" or "Is my life like hers?" I should be asking "Lord, what do you want for me?", " What lessons in life do you want me to learn?", "What disciplines do you want me to practice?", "How do you want me to dress, act, talk, etc?" Whatever His answer may be, I need to be at peace with that- and live confidently in my relationship with Him!

Ultimately, as believers, we should want to be like Christ. We should want our lives to reflect HIS desire for our lives- not the lives/desires of others. Our Christian life is about loving the Lord! Therefore, our pursuits should always be about Him.

Being Still Part 2 | What makes a good wife and mom?

2011-03-17T08:43:00.004-05:00

I have been reflecting on the past few months and the lessons that the Lord has taught me on "being still" before him. The first trimester of my pregnancy was a time of absolute stillness for me. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically speaking. The physical aspects of that and the implications on my life are what I want to share in this post.

Titus 2 says (talking about the role of older women) "that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,.."

What does it really mean to love them? How do I measure my love for my family? What can I look at and say whether I am being pleasing to the Lord (and my family for that matter) in my role as a wife and mom? Is it:

*Having a spotless house?

*Having my meal plans all together for the next few months?

*Going grocery shopping and making sure we have everything we need and every one's favorite things for the next 2 weeks?

*Having all of my laundry finished?

*Having D's clothes ironed for work?

*Getting up early and making D's lunch and breakfast?

*Being consistent in my homeschooling?

*Being consistent in discipline of my daughter?

*Being the first person to rise in our house?

I never realized how much emphasis I put on these things until they were taken away from me. Then, laying literally flat on my back for months at a time I started to feel like a terrible wife and mom. I couldn't do ANY of the things that I felt like were essential to being a good wife and mom! Dallas had to do the grocery shopping and the cooking, PLUS run all around town and find things that I could actually stomach. He had to clean and do laundry. He had to pack his own lunches and get Naomi's breakfast ready for her. Most of the time, his clothes went into the dryer for a de-wrinkling. Naomi was also only getting disciplined when he was at home in the evenings. He was having to miss work to take over things that I am supposed to take care of! Naomi was having to fend for her self most of the time. The only time I got off of the couch was to quickly make her something for lunch- and in that time, she even learned how to make her own PB&J's. School went right out the window and she spent a lot of time watching movies. AHHHH! Not at all the way that I had planned to serve my family!

Then the Lord started to open my eyes to what my family REALLY needs from me. He showed me what it truly means to love my family. It didn't have anything to do with the physical aspects that I had put so much emphasis on. The word LOVE in this passage is actually an affectionate kind of love.

"The word for love used in Titus 2 is phileo. This word describes the love between very close friends. It is a tender, affectionate, passionate kind of love. It emphasizes enjoyment and respect in a relationship"- (Talking about love for husbands) -Carolyn Mahaney, Feminine Appeal

So I asked my husband, "What makes a good wife?" I didn't tell him what I was thinking about or give him any hints as to what I wanted to hear. I asked him to just tell me the first things that came to his mind. Here are his answers:

*My biggest cheerleader (by this he means encouraging him, cheering him on)

*Not a nag or a dripping faucet

*Respectful

*Fun

He even went so far as to say "Most people might say a clean house...and that's nice. It's relaxing to come home to a clean house..but I'd rather come home to a dirty house and a happy wife any day."

WHAT?!?!?!?! It had NOTHING to do with my long list of things that deserve a badge! It all has to do with my words. My time. My affections! I then proceeded to give him my list of things that I tend to put more emphasis on, to which he replied, "a maid can do any of those things. Anyone can come in here and do those things." His point was that we can pay someone to come in our home and take care of those things- but no one can take on my role as a wife and mom...the essential parts.

I asked him what he thought made a good mom. Here are his answers:

*A good example to her- that she loves her husband

*She doesn't live a hypocritical or pharisaical life.

*She spends time with her kids

So then I asked Naomi, "What makes a good mommy?" Here are her answers:

*A mommy tells her daughter that she loves her

*Lets me snuggle with her

*Gives me presents on my birthday and Christmas

Again! She doesn't care if I homeschool her or make her perfect healthy lunches! She just wants my love and attention! (Not to mention GIFTS! haha!)

So here are my thoughts. Yes, I have to do all of the above things (under normal circumstances, that is) I have to clean, and cook, and discipline my child. I have to take care of my family and keep my home (also part of Titus 2). However, what good is it if my house is spotless and my husband walks into a home and finds an exhausted, moody wife because I spent all of my energy cleaning all day? What good is it if you can literally lick my kitchen floor (without contracting some kind of infectious disease), but I haven't taken the time to look into the eyes of my daughter all day? If I discipline her consistently but don't take the time to listen to her and figure out what's going on in her heart...I'm just pushing her away from me! That's not love! All of these "duties" are not lasting! In fact, my clean house won't even last 8 hours and it will be dirty again! (probably less that that, honestly!) But the time and affections that I pour into my family- those are the things that have eternal value! Those things will be with my daughter for the rest of her life! They will shape her into the woman that she will become one day!

Honestly, I think the reason that women (myself included!) put so much emphasis on the "duties" rather than the "devotion" of her roles are because she can look around and get immediate satisfaction from her efforts. She can (in theory) mop a floor and see the beautiful shine and smell the fragrant aroma. Yet to spend 10 minutes getting a manicure from your 6 year old? Having conversations with your husband about his job (and you understand NOTHING of what he's talking about!)? You don't get to see immediate results- you don't get "pats on the back" necessarily. Ultimately, it becomes about US. Not about our families.

I'm not saying don't clean your house and don't discipline your kids consistently. I just realize that my emphasis needs to be on truly loving my family and giving MORE attention to the things that make them feel loved and cared for. Those are the things that will result in:

Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: "Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all" (Prov. 31:28-29)

Reflecting on 10 years of Wonderful!

2011-03-14T11:07:00.005-05:00

Dallas and I started dating our Senior year of High school- October of 1999. This photo above was taken on a mission trip following our graduation, the summer of 2000. It was on this mission trip that we got engaged. We were in Arlington, Texas working at the mission and holding VBS's in apartment complexes in the area. One evening, when we got back to the apartment where our team was staying, we had an argument. (So not romantic, I know!) Dallas asked me to take a walk with him. I thought "okay, this is it. He is breaking up with me. My life is totally over." He led me over to a little patch of pitiful grass and we sat down. He began to explain how much I meant to him. He told me how much he loved me, that I was his best friend, and that he wanted to grow old with me. Then he popped the question. Unable to even answer him- tears streaming down my face...my life, in that moment, changed forever.

I look at this picture and I think back to that time...and I have to laugh. I can honestly say that I don't even know these people! We have changed so much (physically speaking- we are geezers now) but more so in maturity. We were just kids who loved each other so much and loved the Lord and just wanted to have a marriage that would honor Him- but didn't have the first clue on how to get there. So much has happened in the past 1o years. We've lost parents, we've lost friends, we've been through college, we've survived through my learning how to cook, and we're still learning to survive while I learn to keep house (ha!), we've learned how to live on a budget, we've had mountain top experiences as well as on-our-face experiences. At times it felt as though the world was crumbling all around us- and yet, we stood firm amongst the rubble. (That would include our house- haha!) We've learned how to communicate with one another- and how to just love life together. We've learned that not everything has to be so serious- just have fun with one another! We've learned that no matter the given situation...there's always something to laugh about.

I can honestly say that these past 10 years- all that has happened, both good and rough, have been the best 10 years of my life. I'm thankful that even though we were so young when we started dating- and not much older when we got married- that this is our story. There is much to be said about "growing up" together. We've changed so much, this is true- but thankfully, the Lord grew us together. I can honestly say that D is my best friend. There is no person on the planet that I'd rather spend time with. I mean, just this past weekend- we were in San Antonio in a CVS. I had more fun being silly together in a drugstore than anywhere else I've ever been! That's how much I just love being with this man! I'm thankful that we are so in sync. We know what the other one is thinking before a word is spoken. There is nothing that he or I could ever do to truly surprise the other one. I am thankful for how the Lord has just knit our hearts together in this way. It is a blessing for which, as hard as I am trying here, there are just no words.

I realize that this is totally a blessing from the Lord. There is no other explanation. I'm thankful for the grace that He has given in blessing us with this happy marriage. I'm thankful for these past 10 years! I am so blessed to be this amazing man's wife! Each year it just keeps getting better and better!!! I love you with all my heart, sweet man! You are my favorite! (and yes, the cheese to my macaroni!) Here's to the rest of our lives!

(Eating at Joe's Crabshack on the River walk in San Antonio- 10 year anniversary trip)

Being Still- Part 1

2011-02-28T10:47:00.007-06:00

The Lord has been showing me what it means to "Be Still" the past few months. I'm finding that my previous concept of "being still" wasn't actual stillness at all- I had it all wrong. It's a wonderful place of just that...stillness. So the next few blog posts I just want to share some things that have been so encouraging and instrumental to me in this time of just being still with the Lord. I hope that it encourages the hearts of those precious and gracious people who visit my blog.

The most encouraging book at this point has been Streams in the Desert- so I will start there. Enjoy! (from Feb 5th)

"Ye shall not go out with haste." (Isa 52:12)

"Do not believe that we have begun to understand the marvelous power there is in stillness. We are in such a hurry- we must be doing- so that we are in danger of not giving God a chance to work. You may depend upon it, God never says to us, stand still, or sit still, or be still unless He is going to DO something.

This is our trouble in regard to our Christian life; we want to do something to be Christians when we need to let Him work in us. Do you know how still you have to be when your likeness is being taken?

Now God has one eternal purpose concerning us, and that is that we should be like His Son; and in order that this may be so, we must be passive. We hear so much about activity, may be we need to know what is is to be quiet.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Nor deem these days- these waiting days as ill!

The One who loves the best, who plans thy way,

Hath not forgotten they great need today!

And if He waits, 'tis sure He waits to prove

To thee, His tender child, His heart's deep love

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Though longest much to know thy dear Lord's will!

While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way

Corrodingly within, because of His delay,

Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest

That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

Nor move one step, not even one, until

His way hath opened. Then ah then, how sweet!

How glad thy heart, and then how swift thy feet

Thy inner being then, ah then, how strong!

And waiting days not counted then too long.

Sit still my daughter! Just sit calmly still!

What higher service could'st though for Him fill?

'Tis hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!

For lack of losing all how much is lost!

'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then- He giveth grace

To count the hardest spot the sweetest place."

...and then there were four!

2011-02-09T13:09:00.003-06:00

Yep, the cat is FINALLY out of the bag! The Taras' are expecting a baby! We are about 12 weeks along and doing great! We got to hear the babies heartbeat for the first time on Monday. Then we took Naomi out to a yummy dinner and gave her the big news! Let's just say she is THRILLED! She has been asking questions non stop! She has also been monitoring mommy's diet. I got fussed at for eating pudding just the other day. Naomi said "Mommy, snack packs are NOT healthy for the baby!" She is also pouring over this little book that I have of pictures of the growth of the fetus each week. She cannot wait for this baby to get here!

It's been so hard keeping this under wraps! Especially since I have been so ill! I will say, I was NEVER this sick with Naomi. I pretty much did not leave my couch from week 5 to week 10! I'm thankful for my patient, helpful husband and self-sufficient daughter! It has made this time a lot easier. I would like to say I have become more laid back and less concerned about things that really don't matter. For instance, I'd LOVE to post a picture of this cute little ultra-sound..however, my house is in such a mess I have no idea where my camera is...and I'm totally okay with that! I'm learning to appreciating the little things....like...at least having a shower once a day. Or being able to brush my teeth without gagging. Or getting through an entire meal without getting queasy. :o)

I think more than anything I've just been depending on the Lord- even in the smallest of ways. Especially in the area of prayer. As many people already know, pregnancy is a scary thing for me. It is an area in my life that doesn't get to be full of excitement at first- and that's okay. That's the path that that Lord has given to our family. So it's times like this that I just have to trust and rest. As I say that, know that this is no easy task. At ALL. I'm not meaning in a cliche' oh, just trust the Lord! No, I mean....all I can do is know that I am in his hands. That is the only thought that has gotten me through each day over the past 7 weeks. Sometimes, all I can do is just sit and attempt to pray...and no words come. That's okay too. The Lord knows. :o) Trusting that He knows the prayers that are in my heart- and letting the Holy Spirit intercede for me- even when I have no words or even when I'm too afraid to utter the words that I do have. He is there. He knows. He carries me. What a beautiful Lord we have!

I'm also so thankful for the few people who have known about my little secret and who have just encouraged me along the way. I'm thankful that there are people to whom I can say "I'm just too afraid to pray sometimes." I didn't get a lecture on disciplines. I didn't get a lesson on how to get to the root issue of my sinful fears. I just got "I have absolutely no idea what that is like. All you can do is what you are doing and I will pray for you. The Lord knows and He will be faithful." WOW! Can I just say those are the most encouraging words I have EVER received. I just want to be like that. I want to be gentle and full of empathy. I want to be careful to not wound people or pretend like I have any idea what they are going through or like I have all the answers. I just want to love people like that!

One of these sweet people that I am mentioning also lent me her copy of "Streams in the Desert". The morning of my appointment where we would be going to hear a heart beat for the first time, I read the following poem. This was of such comfort to me, that I literally read it, and then fell asleep on the couch. Talk about rest and peace! I almost didn't have enough time to get ready for my appointment!

"This thing is from Me," the Savior said, as bending low he kissed my brow. For one who loves you thus has led. Just rest in Me, be patient now. Your Father knows you have need of this, Tho why perchance you cannot see- Grieve not for things you've seemed to miss. The thing I send is best for thee. "

"Then looking through my tears, I plead, Dear Lord forgive I did not know, Twill not be hard since though dost tread, each path before me here below. And for my good this thing must be, His grace sufficient for each test. So still I'll sing whatever be..God's way for me is always best."

Anyway, that is the big update on our family! We are all excited and thrilled! I think the excitement is still sinking in- and the less ill I become the more exciting it gets! I'm thankful for the Lord's faithfulness to our family! We still covet lots of prayers! :o)

Do not abandon Love

2011-01-03T09:47:00.002-06:00

Have been thinking of new year's resolutions....and I can't help but feel like there is one thing that all believers should pursue this year! It should be the first thing on our hearts when we consider goals for the next year...because without this...all other goals will be futile.

"Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself." - Matt 22:37-38

I also just listened to a sermon by Rick Gamache, Pastor of Sovereign Grace Fellowship. He is quickly becoming one of my all time favorite preachers! He sure gets grace and love! I encourage all to listen to this. I just wept through the whole thing!

To the One who Conquers: Do not abandon love

Family: Does size matter to God?

2010-11-19T10:28:00.015-06:00

I had one of those lightening bolt-hit your brain-moments last night. I was in my bedroom, hanging up clothes, waiting for Dallas to get home. Naomi was running around my room playing, rolling across my bed, and giggling. The thought occurred to me. "If I never have anymore children, would I be okay with that? If this is all the Lord has for me, is my cup full?" The most comforting of thoughts hit me and my heart just burst with a resounding "YES!!!!!!"

It's funny, the past few weeks the Lord has just been laying on my heart a happiness and peace that is unexplainable. Without even realizing it, my family has become so dear and precious to me. I have been finding myself taking in every moment the three of us are together...just hanging out on the couch, or piling in Naomi's bed to tuck her in for the night. These moments are both precious and fleeting. I feel as if I'm taking in little snap shot memories and storing them in my heart all of the time. Maybe it's because I realized my daughter is half way (or less than half way) to being a young woman! Maybe it's the realization that I have been so blessed with this precious family. Maybe it's the Lord just giving me a heart for my family just the way it is. Maybe it's all three. I can't say for sure. But I can say it isn't something that I have achieved on my own.

Which leads me to my title question. Does size matter to God when it comes to family? Over the past few years I have become more aware of this expectation floating around Christian communities. It's a very subtle and yet sneaky expectation or standard. I don't just mean community as far as my little community of Christians, although, I would include that. I can't tell you how many articles and letters I have received in the mail or online that include this same feel that are from all over the country- from all different communities of Christians. Even in my conversations with women in varying ages, I hear this. The expectation that God wants all families to be big families. That is the standard of godliness in the family. If you aren't doing this, then you are not being a good steward of your young body....and you aren't being a good steward of your family and furthermore...you aren't being a good steward of the gospel. That our desire as women should be this desire. To have as many children as possible. So are the Duggar's more pleasing to God with their 19 children, or our family with just one?

Well, let me start by saying, just to clarify, my heart has always been to have as many children as the Lord would give me. More specifically, if it were up to me...I would have as many children as I could possibly have in my home- one of every color!!!! (This is still the case in my heart) Not because I think that is the more godly approach, but because I simply love children. I love being a mom. I also do believe that our culture is becoming more and more "anti-child" as women pursue big degrees and big corporate jobs. There just isn't time or room for children. However, I think that in trying not the be like the world, we put expectations on the people around us to go above and beyond to a standard that isn't one that the Lord has set.

Here are the most common "proof" points I hear from people as they explain to me their reason for this standard of living:

*The bible commands us to be fruitful and multiply- To which I would say, No. The bible does not command US to do this. The Lord gave this commandment to people after the flood when there were no people on the earth. Are there people on the earth now? There are so many children, the world can't even care for them all! (Well, it could if more people stepped up to the challenge) So this is not a biblical mandate for all families to have multiple children. I would venture to say the Lord is pleased with those who have children if they are faithful with the ones that they have. Whether it is 19 or just one.

*We need to have more children so that there are more Christians in the world than non-Christians- To which I would say, "How presumptuous!" Sure, we are to raise our children and share the gospel with them...but how do we know that by giving birth to 10 children, we will have 10 Christians bounding forth from our homes or 10 pagans bounding forth from our homes? We have no control over whether or not our children come to Christ and make an impact on the world for the sake of the kingdom. Yes, we are to be obedient to teach them just like the Lord instructs us, but ultimately it is out of our hands!

*Your quiver is not full!- God creates families in all shapes and sizes and each family is pleasing to Him because He designed it that way! God is the one who gives the desire for children and he is the one who opens the womb. Everyone's quiver will be full by different amounts of children. Is your quiver full at 5? At 6? At one? Is your life full and blessed without children because the Lord has not granted them? The bible never says at what level your quiver will be full based upon how many arrows are inside. It simply says that you are blessed by a full quiver. The Lord is the one who fills our quiver and he will make it full based upon His will for our lives- not the expectations of others.

I absolutely love our pastor and his wife. They really do have a heart for balance! I have had countless discussions with our pastor's wife about this very matter. There have been times in my life where I have gone to her in tears because of the pressures that were being put on me to have children in a time when my husband and I believed it to be wise to wait. Nearly a year ago, after I had my second miscarriage and was praying about pursuing adoption, she told me a story that I will never forget. She had met a couple who could not have children. They attended a large church where people had 5+ children and then adopted on top of that. There was great pressure for this couple. Even though they could not have children, they prayed about adoption. The Lord NEVER laid it on their hearts to pursue that option. Can you just imagine that? Can you think of the judgment that others would have placed upon them? Even in my own heart, when she said it, I immediately placed judgment which quickly turned to conviction as she went on to describe to me a true woman after God's own heart. She pleaded with the Lord to change her heart if that was His will for their lives. God's answer was always NO. So without children, were their lives blessed by God? Has God used them in amazing ways? You betcha! Just in different ways than some of us.

I think sometimes what happens is that we get our focus wrong. More than a desire for children, our hearts should have a desire for the Lord and whatever He brings (or does not bring) into our lives! Because you know what? We can desire children all day long for the rest of our lives. If it is not the Lord's will to grant the fulfillment of that desire...what are you left with? Disappointment? Discouragement? Resentment? Well, what if your desire is just for Jesus? You will NEVER be disappointed, discouraged, or resentful! Your cup with ALWAYS be full!

Do I still long for more kiddos? You bet I do! I love children and my desire will always be for a house full by way of birth AND adoption...but more than that my desire is for Jesus! That is why whether or not the Lord grants me more children, my cup runneth over!

Whole lotta not much

2010-11-10T15:30:00.007-06:00

So it's November now and I haven't really blogged in a while. I suppose its because I usually blog when I have something interesting to share...however, life has been nice and quiet lately. I'm not complaining! I'm loving it!

I love this picture above...this was taken at a softball game that Dallas got to play in with his friend, Ray. Well, I should say OUR friend, Ray. ;) I just think this picture capture's my daughter's love for her daddy...and the fact that she has no bottom, bless her heart!

Here is Naomi as Peter Pan! She was so excited to dawn this costume and hit the town! My mom made it for her. Complete with Tinkerbell and mini-sword! I especially like her pink converse.

Naomi with her friend Kyleigh (excuse me...I mean, here is Peter Pan and Little Red Riding Hood) at the Fall-Festival. These girls are such sweet friends and they had a BLAST together!!

This past weekend, we went to Kemah, to celebrate Naomi's cousin's birthdays. It was a beautiful day! Perfect weather! Lots of fun hanging out with family. I was also reminded that I really hate rides. She is getting so big, isn't she?

Anyhow, on the home front, there is no new news. I'll take that as GOOD news! :o) We are just spending our days enjoying the fact that we are the TARAS FAMILY! We see the blessing in being who we are and just enjoying time with each other. God has blessed our little family in so many ways and as the holiday's draw near we are just thankful for the way the Lord has made us such a fun and loving family!

Now bring on the pie!

Difficult hearts towards difficult people

2010-09-17T11:48:00.012-05:00

Believers are nothing more than justified sinners. Forgiven, yet still in sinful flesh. Churches are filled with these types of people. So it is no wonder that we find ourselves often times, irritated, frustrated, and if left undealt with, bitter towards one another. Especially us women.

I have found this especially true of myself over the course of the past year. I used to think that I was a "people person" I could get along with anyone. However, the more I walk with the Lord and the closer I walk with my sisters in Christ...the truth about me is coming out. I'm not a people person...I'm a "Sarah Taras" person. I love all of my precious sisters in the Lord...however, I find that I am drawn to those who are easy for me to love. Those whose personality, preferences, even convictions are most like mine. Those who don't quite fit this category I tend to shy away from. Or, worst case scenario relationships...I run in the other direction! Bottom line? Well, we all have difficult people in our lives. If you don't...just wait. It will happen, eventually. Sorry to be the bearer of the bad news.

Maybe you are reading this...and I'm the most difficult person in your life. I am not so naive as to assume that I don't irritate those around me. Lets just be honest...most days, I get on my own nerves! I'm a sinner with my own little idiosyncrasies. We all are.

So what do we do about this? We are commanded to love one another. Yet some people are just harder for us to love than others. The Lord has just been pressing and pressing and PRESSING on my heart in this area. I am most thankful for the perfect timing of the Lord that we would be studying the book of Philippians right now! As I have been reading through this precious book, I've also been reading through James Montgomery Boice's commentary on this book. It reads like a devotional. I just love him. Anyhow, somethings that he brought out of the scriptures just rang so true in my own heart. Since I know that we all struggle in this area as women, I am compelled to share these things! At the most, I pray that you will be as encouraged as I am by these things and strive to love your fellow sisters in Christ. At the least, I pray that it will help you not to want to throw me onto the woodpile as I drive you crazy in the future. ;o)

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you with all joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now." -Philippians 1:3-5

1. Focus on whats in common, not what is uncommon: "For your FELLOWSHIP in the GOSPEL"(v5), "you are all partakes with me of GRACE"(v7). Despite all of the meaningless things in life that you may have uncommon with someone else...even doctrines that you may differ with someone else, don't let that be the focus and determining factor in your relationship. Instead, focus on the fact that you have one glorious thing in common that trumps everything else. You have JESUS in common. You have the GOSPEL in common. You have God's GRACE in common. That is the foundation upon which our relationships are built. Upon which we will enter into eternity! Boice says "No truth will more quickly overcome divisions among Christians than the truth that we are equally sinners and equally recipients of grace."

2. Overlook the issues: Yes, Sarah, I understand...we have Jesus in common. But she drives me craaaazy. What do I do with that?"A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression." (Proverbs 19:11) That's pretty plain and simple isn't it? She gets on your nerves? Over look it. She said something awful and painful? Overlook it. She wears perfume that makes you want to gag? Overlook it. She's always on your case about something petty? Overlook it.

3. Be real with God about your relationship/feelings toward this person: First off, God knows whats in your heart already. Don't be silly and come to him with spiritual sounding, meaningless chatter about your feelings toward this person. Be real with Him. Tell Him everything. He made this person and made you..He wants you to come to Him with these issues. He alone can change this person and He alone can change your heart towards them. (In any case, he knows which one truly needs changing.) Boice in his commentary says: "Are there Christians whom you cannot stand and with whom you think you have nothing in common? When you see them coming in the front door, do you slide down the isle and sit in the opposite corner of the building? If this is true of you, it is a fault that requires changing. God must change you. He wants to change you. He will do it as you begin to pray, and through prayer see that person as a participant together with you in God's grace."

4. Pray for them: I'll be honest and super unspiritual right now and just say...I don't like praying for people who irritate me. God has shown me this. The first thing I thought was "Do I really have to?" Like I'm 5. Yes, I really have to and so do you. Like Paul said "In my prayers for ALL of you , I always pray with joy". He prayed for everyone...that included those women in the church who were at odds with one another. I'm sure that was irritating to Paul on some level. Yet, he prayed for them...and with joy! What an example! J.M Boice says "I believe 90% of all the divisions between true believers in this world would disappear entirely if Christians would learn to pray specifically and constantly for one another"

5. Be thankful for them: WHAAAAT?!?!?! Yep, you heard me right. Be thankful for them. Looking again at what Paul said, "I thank my God every time I remember you." Can you thank God right now for the people/persons in your life who are difficult? I will admit...I am right here working on this part. What is it about this person/situation that I can be thankful for? What is it that I do like about her? What are qualities I see in her that I long to possess myself? Tell the Lord how thankful you are for these things! As he begins to change your heart toward this person (and He will) you will even be able to go and tell that person what you are thankful for about them! Not as flattery, but because the Lord has done a great work in your heart and you truly are thankful for this person! WOW!

6. See difficult people/circumstances as messengers from God: Elizabeth Elliot says this best in "A Lamp Unto My Feet" :

"How can this person who so annoys or offends me be God's messenger? Is God so unkind as to send that sort across my path? Insofar as his treatment of me requires more kindness than I can find in my own heart, demands love of a quality I do not possess, asks of me patience that only the Spirit of God can produce in me, he is God's messenger. God sends him in order that he may send me running to God for help. The Psalms are full of cries to God about enemies- but it was the enemies who drove the Psalmist to cry. If he had had no enemies, he would have had no need of a protector. God will go to any lengths to bring us to Himself."

A few more final thoughts:

"It is not enough just to tolerate other Christians. You must enjoy their company." -Boice

Ahhh! I am thankful for God's sanctifying work! I have surely not yet arrived in this area, and I probably will not this side of heaven, but I am really thankful for these truths! I pray that we will all just learn to truly have a deep love for one another! It is by this love that the outside world will know who we are! There is lots at stake here besides just putting up with one another! The world is watching. Do they recognize us?

****We're Both Frogs*******

So I am adding this now later, after pondering it and sharing it with my wise husband. He convinced me this lesson should not be left out.

As I was studying the above material I was sitting on my couch in the living room. Naomi is playing on the living room floor with her "Little Pet Shop" toys. She has two frogs in her hand.

One frog "says" to the other frog..."We can't play together, we are different". Then the other frog so wisely "says" "it doesn't matter that we are different because we're both still frogs"

I was thinking "Okay Lord! I get it!!! I hear you!! You are driving it home, aren't you!?" LOL! I am thankful that at least my 6 year old understands this concept. We sure can learn a lot from our kiddos.

I'm a frog, you're a frog. Thats all that matters.

Croak!

Nothing is Lost

2010-09-09T08:52:00.003-05:00

"To the man or woman whose heart is set on Christ, no loss on Earth can be irreparable. It may shock us for the moment. We may feel hurt, outraged, desolate, helpless. That is our humanity. But the Lord can show us the long view, the incalculable gain in spiritual and eternal terms, if we love Him above all....If we lose not Christ Himself, we have finally lost nothing, for He is our treasure and He has our hearts."

-Elizabeth Elliot

A Lamp Unto My Feet

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8)

Lessons from the Summer.....

2010-08-24T12:02:00.005-05:00

I can hardly believe that summer is over. Well, for our family there are still 2 weeks left! It's been a long rather painful summer as the Lord has really schooled me in the area of trusting Him. Really trusting Him. Not just as a cliche' or something spiritual to throw out at any given moment "Just trust in the Lord" with a big smile on my face...as if its so simple. No what I am talking about is to truly know what it means to trust Him. Really trust Him. With EVERYTHING. Every moment of every day and with every part of my life. Its a lot easier said than done!

I've learned there is a vast difference between knowing something about God and knowing God. I know theology. I know that the bible says that the Lord is in control of all things. I know Proverbs 16:9 says "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." I know that verse. I know it in my head. I've quoted that verse more times than I can recall. Its so easy to flippantly say things that we know to be true without really understanding what we are, in fact, saying.

So this summer, more than ever, that truth has been challenged in my heart. Do I really know what it means to trust the Lord? Do I really know that the Lord is in control of everything? Or do I deep down really just believe that I'm in control and do I just really trust in Sarah Taras? I'd now have to say that I love the Lord. I love His word. I know what it says. Though sometimes, when it comes down to it...and when the rubber meets the road, my flesh just trusts in itself. I now know this because of all that I have gone through this summer. I have just been under the weight of various trials. These trials have just taken my heart and wrung it out until I am now able to see what is truly inside. I must admit, I've been taken back by what I have learned about myself.

For one thing, I'm a planner. I have a calendar planner thing that I absolutely love. Even going to the store and picking out that planner is a thrill for me. I love the colors and the little empty boxes. Even the smell of a brand new planner gives me goosebumps. I get excited about taking out a pen (of course) and making fresh markings on the little empty boxes which indicate what I intend to do on that particular day. Quite frankly, when my plans change, and I have to go in and white out (or heaven forbid, scratch through) my plans, I get miffed. For one, it ruins the beauty that is my nice pretty planner. Secondly, it ruins the beauty of my nice planned life. I feel comfort and ease when I have plans. There is no greater feeling in the world for me than knowing what I am going to be doing tomorrow. There is no worse feeling for me than to have those plans changed- or even more horrendous, cancelled all together. I realize after this summer, this desire to know what I am doing from one day to the next, goes far beyond my fetish for calendar planners. It is true of my life as a whole.

For the past year and a half every big "plan" that we have made has not gone forth. From failed pregnancies, failed vacations, failed house repairs, and failed bonuses, to promises not kept, people who let you down and break your heart, or ministry not going as smooth as I had hoped. All add up to me feeling like my life is spinning out of control. Yep, that about sums up my summer in a nut shell. My life feels out of my control. I have made plan after plan...built air castle after air castle, to have it all crumble right before my eyes leaving me quite miffed and confused. A couple of days ago I realized that if I were to get pregnant today- and if it were to carry to full term, my children would be 7 years apart. 7 YEARS APART! I immediately burst into tears and the first thing that came to my mind is that:

"This is not the life that I had planned for me! This is not what I wanted! Years ago, I would never have thought that this is where my life would be right now!"

When the tears dried and I could once again think rationally, I realized...its true. This isn't what I would have planned for me. My life IS out of my control. However, this is EXACTLY the life that God has planned for me and it IS in His complete control. Immediately I realized the reason for all of these difficult trials in my life. All of these disappointments have been to get me to see that it is the Lord who directs my steps. Really, in this life, what I should take comfort in is Christ. He is my only hope. My plans will change. People will let me down. Money will run out. The only thing that I can count on, on any given day is Jesus and His unmatched love for me. That's it, folks. That's all that I have and that's all that matters.

So where do I go from here? Well, for starters, I stopped using a pen in my calendar planner. ;o) I realize as I make these plans, that the Lord could change them at any moment. I need to be ready for Him to do so. I need to fix my heart on the Lord and living the life that He has planned out for me, rather than fixing my heart on my own desires and plans that I have for myself. I know that soon I will see the Lord's plans for our lives and the blessing that I could not have imagined any other way. I'm learning to live in the moment and have joy in that. I also am learning to only focus on today and not worry about what I need to do tomorrow. I know this all seems so simple. Sometimes its the most simplest of lessons that are the most difficult and painful to practically live out.

Adoption: Thankful for those who have gone before....

2010-06-25T19:30:00.007-05:00

"The bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flower"

Through this time of waiting for our new child, I have been wanting to prepare as much as possible for any trials that may be coming our way. I'm learning the best tools in my life are women who have gone before me. I'm learning more and more that adoption is not easy. For many women, it is difficult. Children are difficult to love, because they are afraid of being loved. (Because adults have let them down so much in the past, they begin to prevent themselves from further heartache. They will try to push their adoptive parents away.) This can happen in children even if they have been adopted from birth.

Today, I was able to sit down and talk with a beautiful, precious sister in Christ who has adopted 2 children. She also has two children by birth. It has taken her family 8 long painful years to finally come to a place where they feel as though they have finally reached normalcy in their home. It has been 8 years of working hard and being patient...and obeying God's call on their lives. 8 years of waiting to be bonded together and to see the fruits of their labor. I was amazed at the stories and the heartache as I sat with this woman, in her home full of peace and joy, you would never know that it was ever that difficult! I watched her children, now nearly teens, all loving and serving one another. They are best friends! What a joy it was to witness what great faith and perseverance can produce. I am ever thankful for this woman and her beautiful testimony. I'm thankful to have heard her transparent heart share things that I haven't heard anyone else communicate. I'm thankful as we are on this journey of uncertainty the Lord has blessed my life with someone to call when times get tough.

I'm thankful that the Lord has opened my eyes to the possibility of struggle. I think its easy to believe that once you remove a child from a difficult and painful past, and give them love, toys, and a nicer home that they will immediately be so thankful and joyful that they will forget everything that lies behind and be ready to move on and adopt you as their parents. Thats just not the case in most situations. While I have no idea what the Lord has in store for our family, I'm at least thankful that we won't be blindsided by heartache and difficulty. This further just ignites my heart that we are on the right path! This is going to be a life long ministry and I'm excited to see what the Lord has in mind for us! I'm also thankful that this conversation today has given me a new way to look at things and reconsider some plans that we had- as well as further concrete some convictions concerning our family. Its neat to see how the Lord is leading and shaping our hearts and preparing us!

Thoughts on race

2010-06-17T17:43:00.005-05:00

So something that I mentioned in my last post has really got me stirring. When I tell people that we want to adopt inter-racially, I get strange looks. Let me be more specific. When I say that I want to adopt a black child, I get strange looks.

In a time when race should be less of an issue, particularity between blacks and whites, even with the election of our first black president, its still very much an issue. Even for Christians, this seems to be an issue. Our sinful hearts are just prone to not like people who are different. Racism is older than the bible. Look at the Shulamite woman in the book Song of Solomon. Her own brother's teased her mercilessly for her skin being so burned by the sun. There are countless issues throughout scripture on race. Remember what the woman at the well said to Jesus? "How is it that you, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" The verse goes on to say "For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans."

So I'm not at all surprised that it is still an issue today. A few months ago, I had a woman share with me that her husband was hurt by Christian men who used the term "Mexican" in a derogatory way. They thought nothing of it. So I'm not surprised at all that I get strange looks even now as I share my heart about the child the Lord would have us to adopt. However, I am bothered by it. I feel as if I'm not allowed to say the word "black". As if that is an offensive term. I even find myself at times feeling like I need to whisper when I say "black" or "Mexican". However, some how in our culture, you can say Chinese, Indian, or Middle Eastern, or white at the top of your lungs and no one cares. So that tells me something isn't right. I think most of the issue with the terms, is that people have used it in such derogatory ways that everyone is afraid of being accused of racism. That has always been my heart in the past, of lowering my voice when using those terms.

But here's really why I write today. I had someone ask me very honestly and frankly, "Why say black at all? Why not say "child"? Why does it matter what color they are? Is it just that you want people to know?" Let me start by saying, this person loves me dearly, and was just honestly curious....and is also frustrated by our country and its growing issues with race. I agree with her to a point. Yes, we are all human, period. On some level, it doesn't matter...but on another, it does. So I posed this question, because it has been circling my brain for some time now. "Why is it okay for someone who is adopting from China to say, they want a Chinese girl, but it isn't okay for me to say we want to adopt a black girl?" Somehow in our culture, the two take on a very different feel from one another, when passed through the lips. My second question was "Why would I not share it?"

Here's the thing. First of all, God LOVES diversity. That is why He created us all different. Just look at two random white people! We are totally unique from one another. There are dark tan, and then there are translucent whiter than white people like myself. Its not okay to pretend that diversity doesn't exist. We should celebrate our differences! What a beautiful creation God has made! Why are we so afraid to love that? I believe it brings God more honor when we celebrate and rejoice in the way that He made us all. We should not hide it!

Secondly, God put this desire in the heart of myself and my husband. This is not a "normal" attitude to have, obviously. Our culture over all tends to frown upon such an idea...so why should I not shout from the rooftops this wonderful desire the Lord has given us that is so unique and wonderful? Even talking with my Christian sisters, many have honestly voiced that they would not be able to do what we are doing. That tells me that this isn't some special desire we conjured up on our own. No! This is a GIFT from God!!!!! Excuse me while I just jump up and down! I am just so excited that the Lord would use us in such a way. I'm not looking for a pat on the back in any way here. I'm not looking for people to look at us and say "Wow! Look how great the Taras' are, that they adopted a black child." In fact, please do not do that. LOL! I am looking for friends who will celebrate with me and be on this exciting journey in prayer with me as we are about to take on a new life that will have many new challenges because we will be so different!

Thirdly, I'm also very vocal about this because I want my daughter to know that this is okay! She is not quite sure that she is comfortable just yet with this whole idea. The more mommy gets to talk about it, the more she will be okay with it. Unfortunately she hasn't had very many opportunities to be around very many people from various ethnic backgrounds. This is new to her. (Please also pray that we would have the wisdom to know how to teach her about this area!)

Lastly, there is SUCH a need for people to adopt black children. These children are the highest percentage in the system, and age out of the system most frequently. Another friend who is adopting, shared with me that it costs (at this particular agency) $17,000 to adopt a white baby. It only costs $9,000 to adopt a black baby. WOW! Now, I would imagine, that is due to supply and demand. Most people in America who adopt are white people who want white children. Nothing wrong with that. It just means there is a greater need for white people to consider adopting inter-racially. With the route that we are going, because we are seeking to adopt a child who is a minority, she will have her college completely paid for. So there are also many benefits that come along with this! I want people to be aware of the need!

I have to add, during our training classes, I met a woman who has a HUGE family of all boys. Each of them a different race. I LOVE how this family celebrated their differences! They did it with love, passion, and GREAT humor. (Which those of you who know me...know how I appreciate a good sense of humor) Anyhow, they have one son who is Mexican...and they tease him all of the time that he is a terrible Mexican because he hates Mexican food! Every now and then, they also have fried chicken and watermelon for dinner in honor of their black son. I just thought that was SO funny! This family has it right. They don't approach race with fear and this tight lip, stiff collar, whispery attitude. They boldly embrace it and even learn to laugh at the stereotypes. THATS what I want my family to be like as well. LOVE how the Lord has made us different and celebrate our differences, and sometimes even laugh about it. I tell Dallas all of the time "I can't wait to get my little chocolate chip". If the child has no issue with me referring to them in that way, out of love, then thats going to be her nickname in this house! LOL!

I intend for this to be an encouragement for us to be okay with diversity! Lets just worship God in not being so fearful of how he created us or others around us. Lets boldly discuss our diversity and not be fearful that someone will think we are racist because of it.

Thoughts on Adoption....and update

2010-06-14T17:39:00.004-05:00

This is my favorite picture of our family, thanks to Jason and Claire Drumm. I think I love this photo so much because it absolutely captures the essence of our family. This truly is us. Happy, joyful, thankful. However, today as I look over this amazing photo, I can't help but feel as though something is missing...someone is missing.

It seems as though we have been in a stand still with our adoption process. We have most of our classes out of the way (minus our restraint class thats 8 hours long plus CPR certification) and we are gathering paper work from the ends of the earth (marriage cert., high school diplomas, etc.) Though the biggest wait has been on our home. We have SO much to do before we can start our inspection processes. However, our wait is nearly over. Starting NEXT MONTH (July) we get to start ripping apart our bathrooms and replacing everything. I'm so excited! I can't believe its here. Just a few months ago...even a few weeks ago, I felt like there was this huge mountain of things that we had to complete before we could get to our sweet new addition. Now, that mountain seems more like a steep hill.

God is so faithful. How could I ever doubt Him? How could I begin to believe that He has forgotten us? The Lord has already begun to provide for our family in ways that we haven't even planned on so that we are able to meet our requirements. He also keeps affirming and growing my heart and desire for this child. As I stated in a previous post, the Lord has been growing our hearts towards a child of a different ethnicity than us. Don't ask me why. I have no idea. I find people look at me really funny when I say it. All I can say, is that it's a God thing. I find more now than ever, I run into women with children from many ethnic backgrounds. I find myself staring at them and its all I can do to keep myself from running and throw my arms around their necks and exclaiming "I can't wait for my family to look just like your family!!!!" It hasn't happened yet, I'll let you know if it does.

As we have been thinking about our home repairs, I started getting a little nervous...like...can we really use this money for this? I think we have just be so content for so long with our home being older...ok, lets be real. I have been putting up with our home falling apart for so long that its hard to use the money in that way. (thats probably more like it on most days) Its hard for me to fathom that its okay, this is what the Lord is providing for. Then Sunday morning, it hit me. The Lord is providing this money to make these repairs so that we might begin a ministry that He has planned for us! This is about His glory! This isn't about me getting new bathrooms! This isn't about my desire for more children! This is about taking a precious child from a broken background and being there for her for the long hall. Through thick and thin, through joy and sorrow. When every other adult in her little life has failed her and hasn't been permanent, we will be. Then we can point her to the One who will NEVER leave her or forsake her. Jesus will never disappoint her, abuse her, neglect her. He will always be faithful and love her! This is all about the gospel! What a ministry! What an opportunity!

I still can't even believe our family is on this amazing journey. To God be the glory!

"Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, [and] to keep oneself unspotted from the world." James 1:27

Understanding Grace: One light bulb moment at a time

2010-04-30T13:28:00.003-05:00

Wow. The more that I pursue understanding God's grace...the more he opens my eyes and my mind to comprehend! I have been studying Galatians since we finished John. My reasoning was because I had just seen God's grace in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus- and now I want to see how to practically live it out in my day to day life. I'm realizing that it will take a life time and then some to completely understand grace. Though I'm thankful for these little light bulb moments that the Lord gives me...to chew one little morsel at a time! Like a toddler learning to eat...you know they can't possibly take on a rib eye steak...so you give them small pieces of food to learn to chew...like cheerios and pieces of banana! Once they master those things without choking...you move on and give them bigger pieces. That is how my sweet Lord continues to teach me! Okay, so on to what spurred on this blog post.

So I'm reading Galatians 2 right now...and the issue is that Peter, along with some others at the time, are becoming hypocritical in their lifestyle. The new "gospel" in the church at the time was that you still had to follow some of the jewish practices to be a believer. Some Judaizers came into the church bringing the false gospel- (Jesus plus works) and Peter would shy away from eating with the gentiles when those of the circumcision would come to visit. So here Paul confronts Peter... love this! Verse 17 and 18

"But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not! For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor."

Wow. Paul is telling Peter that by shying away from the believing gentiles when the Judaizers come into town, he's making a mockery of the gospel. The Judaizers look right. With your hypocritical lifestyle, Peter, you make Jesus out to be a liar. He died in vain. Jesus said that food does not make you unclean. You believe that...and the moment someone else comes in who puts themselves under that law, you separate yourself from the food as well as the others who still partake. So then not only have you made Jesus out to be a liar, you make him out to be a heretic. You are saying, in effect, that Jesus teaches people to sin.

Ok, dagger through the heart. How many times do I say "Salvation is by faith alone" and then I have a pity party over my latest sin and feel unworthy to go before my father in prayer...or feel less confident to do a task the Lord has asked me to do. Or when I have a different conviction than someone else...yet when they are around I'm second guessing myself and feel condemned...or feel like I have to make excuses or explain my side. Even though its not written in the word, and the Lord has not laid that change on my heart...Am I not doing the exact same thing Peter is doing? Making the cross and resurrection unnecessary? Because really, by my own heart, I'm saying salvation is not finished, I'm still under law and I still have to work for God's favor. I still have to be perfect...and when I'm not then I need to hide from God. I hold other people's standards for life above God's and essentially say "Lord, these people know better than you do...and if I want to love you, then I have to look like they do." and then I go trying to carry a burden the Lord never intended for me to carry and it quenches my love for the Lord and my joy in living for Him...because I stop living for him and begin living for works under the guise of love.

"I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain." Gal 2:20-21

Jesus paid it all. It is finished. There is no thing that I can do to earn or lose favor with God. He loves me because Jesus gave Himself up for me. There is nothing left for me to obtain. Jesus' righteousness covers me. God's wrath has been satisfied on my behalf. I can go to my father even when I'm in sin and beg for his help and forgiveness. I have that freedom because of Christ. I can trust the Holy Spirit to convict me and change my life as I am yielding to His control and submitting myself under His word. I don't need to feel guilty or less in love with Jesus because my convictions about things that don't really matter aren't the same as someone else's.

The mere fact that by my own heart I make Jesus look like a liar and a sham to those around me just breaks my heart. There is so much more at stake in understanding God's grace and living it out....so much more than just "understanding" and "freedom". Oh that I can learn to live by His grace- so that I don't make a mockery of His name and of the beautiful gospel!

**Side note** When I'm talking about trying to live like others, I merely mean in the area of gray issues. Things that are not clear in scripture. What is written, Jesus expects us to obey- please see the balance here! Just like the Judaizers in this passage, they were not living according to what Jesus' standards were. They were living under their own standards. We MUST live our lives to Christ and submit our lives under His word- and we do this because we love Him and because He has saved us by His grace. Jesus gives us the ability to live in obedience to His word! If I see my friends living for Jesus because they are living by His word...then I want my life to look like theirs! Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden light. Repenting of my sin and living the way that Jesus tells me to live in His word is NEVER burdensome. Its a joy! If you don't fully understand this truth- or what it means to live by grace apart from works...or what it means to live for Jesus, I'd LOVE to explain it to you! Feel free to ask or email me! sarahtaras@gmail.com

Adoption Update

2010-04-28T10:35:00.004-05:00

So to everyone who has been asking for an update on our adoption process, here ya go! We are still working hard on the process. We are realizing this is a loooong process with lots of steps, but we are excited about the process! We have chosen to go through Arrow child and family Ministries for our adoption. So far we have turned in our application and taken 8 of our required classes! We still have a restraint class, a trauma class, as well as CPR/First Aide certifications. On top of all of that we still have to get house inspection, fire inspection, and a gas line inspection. Before we can do any of that, however, we have some house repairs that need to be taken care of first...as well as bringing our home up to fire code. So needless to say, nothing is happening as quickly as we would like...but thankfully, its all in Gods perfect timing!

God has also changed our hearts quite a bit in the type of child that we might be seeking. In the beginning we wanted a baby. It would seem more fitting...and more natural to bring in a baby- it would be as if we had given birth to the child. However, thats not the Lord's plan! Slowly but surely, the Lord has impressed upon our hearts to adopt an older child. Still younger than Naomi. So we are currently praying specifically for a 4 year old African-american girl. Ok, I can hear the gasps from here- and we fully understand everyone's concerns...and we are fully aware of the difficulties that potentially await us. (Much more aware than all of you because we have been through the training and know the good, the bad, and the ugly. You can't even imagine what these kids have been through and witnessed.) However, we are completely open to what the LORD has for our lives...and most of the time, what the Lord has isn't always the most easy or the most potpourri filled. I want to remind everyone that God loved us when we were unlovable. He sent His beloved son to die for those who hated Him. He never turned me away...and therefore, we will trust the Lord for where He has lead our hearts! We are fully prepared to handle any situation because we trust the Lord to equip us for every good work that He has set for us beforehand! The Lord will use this child in our family as a beautiful reminder of the gospel of grace!

We covet everyone's prayers for us while we are on this wonderful and long journey! Here are some things you can pray for us about!

-Pray for me especially to not be anxious about anything! Trusting in the Lord's timing moment by moment!

-Not to be fearful of where our child might be...and how they may be treated. Knowing that while we can't protect her now...the Lord has his watchful, sovereign eye upon her!

-Provision for our home repairs.

-Time to make those repairs once we have the provision.

-Endurance for Dallas. He has been working really hard to provide for us. This includes all day at work...and then nights at home working on websites to earn extra money for our home repairs, etc.

-Steadfastness and faith through the process- it can be discouraging looking at the mountain of things we have to accomplish!

-That the Lord would be preparing our family for this child, and this child for our family!

Looking forward to what the Lord has planned for our lives, for His glory! To be continued....

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff III- Rules for decluttering

2010-04-23T16:11:00.007-05:00

So first we looked at the number one way to live a simple life and keeping your home clutter-free: Keeping it from coming in! Now we look at the junk that is existing now in your home! What to do with it. How to know what to keep and what to let go of.

My home is quickly becoming clutter-free! I'm so thankful! What is interesting is just this past summer, our church had a garage sale. I went through (or so I thought) my whole house and got rid of tons of stuff. I had several boxes that left my home. Today as I examine the pile of things that are on my office floor- waiting to be boxed up and sold at our garage sale I realized something. All of this stuff was here last summer when I went through "everything" looking for garage sale items! Which means- that I hadn't really been that much of a stickler when I swept through my home the first time. So here are some questions that I asked myself to decide what stays and what leaves.

1. Have I any use for this item at all?

2. Do I like this item?

3. Has it been sitting here, untouched for more than 3 months?

4. Do I have a place to put it?

5. Am I saving it for "One day when I have a bigger house"?

6. Do I have more than one?

7. Can someone else get use of this?

8.Is it here because I don't know what else to do with it?

9. Is this an item that I'm keeping out of guilt? (ie- someone gave it to you and you feel bad purging it bc it might hurt someone's feelings)

10. Is it broken, need parts, or out dated?

11. Does it fit? (If you tend to fluctuate in size, keep one size smaller and one size bigger in clothes...keep them in the attic if you need to)

12. Is it in style? (Confession: I do have one pair of overall pants that I'm hanging onto in hopes that the style comes back...I'm serious.)

In all honesty- when purging your home for space- you need to know one thing. "What is more valuable? This item... or the space that it is taking up." Its also okay to get rid of things that you like. There are several things in my garage sale pile that I really like. That I've had for quite some time...or just purchased within the last month. Though, the reason I'm willing to say good bye is because...its just STUFF. It doesn't add to my life...and by saying goodbye, it doesn't take away from it either. It does however, give me peace of mind to know that my house has space, and that I am not collecting things just for the sake of having them.

Here are some scriptures that I have been pondering because of what God is teaching me in living a simple life. What really matters in life? Is it my stuff? Where is my satisfaction? Where is my focus? I'm not saying that you can't have stuff. For me though, its easier to focus on the Lord when my life isn't consumed in stuff...by cleaning out my home I realize that my money goes to things that I don't need...and I sure don't need to be storing up things in my home that I don't need. It makes me realize that my life isn't about stuff...and I'm thankful for the time of realizing that. Its been a great time of examining my home and my heart! I hope its brought encouragement to everyone else as well!

The Parable of the Rich Fool- Luke 12:13-21

"But God said to him, Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided? So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God. Then He said to His disciples "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life what you will eat; nor about the body what you will put on. Life is more than food and the body is more than clothing." (12:20-23)

"Better is a little with the fear of the LORD, Than great treasure with trouble." (Proverbs 15:16)

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff III- from friends pt 2

2010-04-23T13:11:00.008-05:00

To recap, I am cleaning out my home- really seriously, getting rid of everything I don't need or use! As I am cleaning out I am learning!!! So I am sharing it with the few of you who actually read my blog! LOL! I have already discussed How to shop more wisely- with a clutter free intent! Now we are looking at part 2 of keeping your home clutter free- from your friends passing things on to you!

Okay- so here are some examples of how and what to say yes and no to things offered to you by friends and family!

*Toys- More times than not, I have accepted toys that I ended up getting rid of. If your child has adequate toys...just say no! So now when asked, I say "You know, thank you...but Naomi has so many toys now that I need to get rid of some!" or "If my daughter gets one more stuffed animal I think I may suffocate myself with the stuffing."- and then smile.

*Clothes- For yourself- only accept clothes that are your style and size. If you know someone dresses like a granny and is half your size- chances are, the clothes they offer you- you either can't or won't wear. So say "Oh, thanks for thinking of me, but I have all I can wear right now"

-For your children- Only if your child can use them. If you already have enough in their size that they are currently in simply say..."Oh, thanks. Naomi has plenty of size 6 right now...lets think of who else is in that size that could use them!" If they are bigger sizes, its perfectly fine to store them if you have the space. If you have too many clothes of a bigger size then say "You know, I appreciate that...but I already have clothes in storage for that size...who is in that size that can use them now?"

*Furniture- I have been offered SO much furniture! From king size beds down to housewares. Here's the deal. Can you REALLY use it? Can it replace what you already have without costing you more money? This year I was offered a KING size bed. Oh what I wouldn't give for a king size bed! It was a very nice bed I might add. The problem? Well for starters, My bedroom isn't that big. It would take up too much room. Secondly, I would have to buy new sheets and a new comforter- which also means I would have to repaint my bedroom. So we are talking this "freebie" would cost me around $300 plus serious space. So I sadly, declined. I was honest with the reasons why I couldn't take the item. My sweet friend totally understood! Now, just last month- another good friend offered a bed set that she was no longer using. It was nearly new. I absolutely LOVED her bed set. It was in my color scheme (I wouldn't have to repaint)...it was a queen size (which is the size of my bed) it was in perfect condition...and came with lots of pretty throw pillows. Mine was about 8 years old..and ready to kick the bucket. All it would cost me was a trip to the cleaners. This was a perfect time to accept a "hand me down".

*Baskets- oh my goodness! I LOVE baskets! In all shapes and sizes! Totes galore! I love em. BUT if I were honest...I really can't use very many. So many times I have taken baskets or totes and then threw them away or gave them away. If someone offers you a basket or tote...in those few precious seconds before you speak think: "Is it in my color scheme?" "What will I put in it?" "Once I put stuff in it, where will it go?" If you can't answer those questions...then you don't need it. Politely decline.

*Knick-knacks- The rule here is ALWAYS say no. Period. You don't need one more cherub angel with a naked bottom. Seriously. I'm your friend here...just say NO!

Did you miss part one? Get it below!

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff III- From Friends Pt 1

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff III- from friends pt 1

2010-04-23T12:14:00.007-05:00

Last time we explored how to keep clutter out of your home from the store. Today, we will discuss keeping clutter out of your home from well-intentioned friends or family. Dallas and I have a great group of friends! They are always incredibly thoughtful when it comes to our family. People are always asking us if there is something we need- or something that they have that we could use. For that, I am so thankful. In fact, most of what is in our home that we use on a daily basis is from those same friends! At times, though, if I am not careful, I end up with a bunch of stuff that I really don't need and I don't have the room for. Here are some helpful tips on the subject:

1. You don't have to take it just because they offer it to you. Number one problem! I had to learn this the hard way! Any time someone offered me something I felt like I had to take it- other wise I was being ungrateful and they may get their feelings hurt. TRUTH: Your friends and family LOVE and care about you. They have your best interest in mind. They are thinking "If I don't need it, maybe Dallas and Sarah could use it." They aren't trying to con you or guilt trip you into taking something! They really just want to know if its something that you could use. They will be perfectly okay if you say "Oh, wow, thanks- but I don't think I can use it." They won't be ruined for life.

2. Only take something if you can actually use it- or know someone who can.

*Do you really want it or are you afraid to say no?

*Is it something that you were thinking of getting soon anyway?

*Is it something that you can put to use right away? (Or at least within a month or so)

*Do you know exactly where to put it and how you will use it?

*Do you have a place to store it while it is not in use?

*Will it add to your life or become a "sore" spot every time you walk by it? (ie- will I grimace and think "why did I bring you home with me" every time you see it?)

*Can it be a replacement or an upgrade from something you have that is old?

***CLAUSE*** If you know someone else could use it..make double sure that they want it before you take it with you.

3. Only take something that won't cost you more money or give up precious space-

*Is it in good working condition?

*Does it have to be fixed?

*Does it have all of the parts (particularly with toys, puzzles, etc.)

*Does it match my decor? Will I have to repaint or buy new things to go with it?

*Do I have room for it?

4. You don't have to say "Yes" right then. Chances are, you have more than a nanosecond before they throw it away or give it to someone else. You can simply say "Can I make sure I have a spot for it and call you later today?" or "Let me check with my husband and I'll call you later today." *Make sure however, that you do get back with them in a timely manner. Don't put people in a sticky place of waiting around for ages holding onto something because you may or may not want it. Let them know yes or no as soon as you can.

Okay, there is more to come! So stay tuned! If you missed Parts one and Two...you can see them below!

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff II

Living the Simple Life:Purging Stuff II

2010-04-23T10:41:00.007-05:00

So yesterday I confessed that I have too much stuff in my home. As I was looking around at my HUGE pile of stuff that has taken up the floor in my office, I realized something. The best offense is a good defense. The best way to live a simple clutter-free life is to stop bringing things in! I realize that we live in a consumer driven country. Just look at the massive amounts of storage units we have! You can just drive down the street and see 4 or 5 of them. To make matters worse, not only do we like to keep lots of junk that we don't need or have space for...but we also like to care for it. I mean, you can even get a storage space that is air-conditioned and heated. After all, who wants their extra lamps and child hood treasures to be uncomfortable? Its bad enough that they no longer have a place in our home...but for them to be too hot or too cold? Now thats just hateful!! Our country loves stuff. I laugh and scoff at this idea...though I'm guilty too. So are you. BUT NO MORE!!!! Here are some things to think through.

1. Stop before you purchase something. Ask yourself the following:

* Why am I buying this?

*Is it just because its a really good deal?

*Do I have a specific place in mind where I can put this?

*Is this something that I will use on a regular basis? (Every day or every week)

*Will it really make my life easier? Or will it just take up space?

* Do I already have something similar or that will work just as well?

*If its a replacement, do I have a plan to get rid of the "old one"?

*The cost of this item- how much is it worth? (ie- what could I do with the $ I'm about to spend on this item. Is it really worth it?)

*If I were to put this item down and leave the store would it really matter to me later? (ie-can I live without it?)

*Is this a whim-purchase?

*Is it a need or a want?

2. When going shopping have a plan.

*Make a list of things that you intend to buy. Stick to that list.

*AVOID the dollar isles. That is the ONE place that gets us thrifty chicks. "But its only a dollar!!" Thats right...which means its not worth anything. DROP it and WALK AWAY! This includes TARGET! (I know, I love it too- but turn on your blinders until you get past that sparkling isle thats calling to you! Remember the Greek myth about the Sirens? They lured sailors to their death with their bewitching songs? Okay. You are the sailor...Plug your ears if you have to! LOL!)

*If you are shopping without intent (ie- just for fun...see what I can find) then have a budget. Don't over spend...and again...ask yourself the questions in number 1.

Ok- honesty check. There are plenty of times that I make purchases based on ridiculous motives- thats why I'm so good at coming up with the above check list. We will make mistakes here and there. I'm also not saying that you can't ever buy something for pleasure. Lets not get legalistic about it. BUT I am saying that TOO often I find myself just buying things that I don't need or even care about. I am also saying that if you are on a small budget and you have a small home- then you have to be a bigger stickler on this than someone with a bigger budget and a bigger home. Ok, so the lesson here is STOP the clutter from coming into your home while at the store!!!

Stay tuned for "Stopping clutter from coming into your home through well- intentioned friends!

Did you miss pt 1? Find it here!!!

Living the Simple Life: Purging Stuff

2010-04-22T18:10:00.009-05:00

So Dallas and I are having to really take a look at our home lately. We are hoping to adopt a child by the years end...which means, there will be a fourth Taras family member in a house that is already quite small in size and in storage. Thinking about this sent me in to quite a panic.

"This house is barely big enough for the three of us! Where are we going to put another child?!"

"aaaand after we find space for another child, where will we put all of their stuff?"

which finally led to...

"Dude! We NEED a bigger house!"

but then I caught my snap and thought....

"No, we don't need a bigger house...we just need some shelves."

Then I began looking around. The issue is not that we need a bigger house...or even more shelves. The issue is that we need LESS STUFF! Granted, we don't have much storage. Every cabinet I open things are falling out on top of my head. Every closet is filled to the brim....and then it hit me. "Why are our closets so full? When was the last time I even USED something out of that closet? So if I'm not using it...why is it taking up what little precious space I have in my home?!"

Which led to a great discovery.

If I don't use it...then I don't need it.

If I don't have a place for it...then I don't need it.

If I'm holding on to it for "when I have a bigger house"...I don't need it.

So I'm looking around and taking inventory. I have SO much that I don't need or use. I have a HUGE pile in my office now of things that I haven't even touched in years. Or things that I bought just because I "liked" it at the time. Hold on to your hats- because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this! So I'm going to be blogging a de-clutter series! Stay tuned!!! I will throw in tips as I am purging and learning how to have a more simple lifestyle.

Book Review

2010-02-22T09:47:00.004-06:00

First let me just say that I'm not one who generally worries about adultery breaking up my marriage. I am blessed with an amazing husband and we are crazy about each other. We have been married for almost 9 years (come march 10th!!) and we have been together since we were 17. We are best friends. The moment that we were officially a "couple" changed my life...and I am never happier than when I am with this man. Though even in a good or even great marriage, there are ups and downs. There are ruts. We must never think that we are "above" anything....the whole "take heed less you fall" principle comes to mind. I'm a firm believer that even the best relationships can always be better...and so I'm always on the lookout for things that will help me be a better wife and keep our marriage new and fresh.

So this book came along and caught my eye. It is written by a christian woman who cheated on her husband. She takes you through every thought and the step by step process that led her down this dark awful, painful, sinful road. She takes you through her husbands pain and suffering...and she takes you through the process of how they reconciled their marriage. Yes, I love happy endings too. I laughed, I cried like a baby...and I rejoiced. She gives you warning signs and things to avoid in relationships with members of the opposite sex. Which are all very practical and helpful. But what I loved more than anything was her tips on how to keep your marriage alive. Here is the quote that got me hook, bait, and sinker.

"Based on the principle that the grass is always greener where it's watered, this book focuses on how to grow a beautiful marriage in your own backyard by establishing six protective "hedges" around it."

Here are the hedges:

Hearing

Encouraging

Dating

Guarding

Educating

Satisfying

So for a woman who isn't struggling with an inappropriate relationship....or isn't concerned that her husband is...there are more helpful tips in this book for how to keep your marriage fun and exciting. She is HILARIOUS! Probably one of the funniest women authors that I have read on this subject. She hits men and women right on the head with their thoughts and differences. I read a lot of it to Dallas because it was so good and he was impressed by it as well.

Also, if you are a friend who attends church with me, then this is a great read along with Ken's sermon series right now. There are some great practical activities to do with your spouse as well as some great things to think through. I read this book in 2 days. Its an easy, fun, and encouraging read!

Adoption on the Father's mind...and ours.

2010-02-09T10:30:00.002-06:00

Dallas and I have been through a lot this past year. It has been a roller coaster of emotions and spiritual growth. I think we have learned more in the past 12 months, than we have our entire lives. About ourselves, our marriage, our desires, and most importantly...our Lord! Its been quite a journey to say the very least...and one that has taken a pit stop in an unlikely place.

We have both always wanted to adopt children. I remember telling my mom at the age of 5 that I didn't want my own children...I just wanted the ones that no one else wanted. Dallas came along and my mind changed, of course. Though the desire that was implanted in me as a child has never left. Over the years, me talking about how wonderful adoption is also began to cultivate a love and longing for adoption in the heart of my sweet husband...though we always talked about doing this much later in life...you know, when we were done having "our own".

The desire in my heart has begun to grow leaps and bounds over the past few months. I couldn't ignore this pang in my heart anymore and I started asking the Lord what His purpose was in delaying the birth of "our own" children. Every test that my doctor could possibly think of came back negative in trying to determine what happened in the miscarriages. I began to wonder what the Lord had in mind for our lives. Could it be that he implanted this desire in my heart and then delayed our ability to have children by birth for such a time as this? Lord, could this really be what you are choosing to do in our lives? NOW?! Well, I brought the idea up to Dallas and asked him if he was against this idea. His reply was "I'm never against any idea"(I love my husband!). So we began to pray about this. All the while I kept running into people who have either worked for the state (ie- CPS) or had adopted/fostered children through these means. We decided that it would be better to go ahead and get all of the information possible so that we could pray about this idea knowledgeably. We attended a meeting that gave all of the info- the highs and the lows- plus every requirement that was needed.

We have concluded that this is something that is close to the Lord's heart. It is something that is exceedingly beautiful and there is nothing on earth that looks more like the gospel than adoption. It is something that is worth pursuing. So here we go! We have few goals in mind before we get serious about this pursuit- but hope to have a new Taras family member by the end of this year. We shall see what the Lord does!!!! Note that we are not finished trying to have more children by birth. We just like the idea of nestling our adopted children safely in between our birth children. Makes it seem so sweet that way.

While this has been on our hearts- I have been learning how much God the Father loves adoption. He adopted US! I think I have a little bit of a better grasp now for what God did for me as I am thinking about what it takes to adopt a child and bring them into our home- and make them a part of our family. People have asked me a lot of questions but there is one that is most common. "How will you love this child as much as you love your own?" SIMPLE. Because that is just what God did for us through Jesus. Not only that- but he killed his only Son that I might be his child. WOW. Dallas and I can have a love for this child or any child only because He first loved us. God not only justified us before Himself, but he stepped away from his seat of judge and embraced us as His children. He loves and adores us! Here are some AMAZING verses.

Ephesians 1: 4-5 "Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will."

1 John 3:1 "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God."

Eph 2:19 "Now therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God."

Hebrews 2:11 "For He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one, for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren."

I am so bewildered that the Lord would give us the privilege of being adoptive parents. What an amazing thing! I will keep everyone updated on how we are doing! For now we just need prayer! We have some things on our hearts that we need to take care of first as far as finances go- and the Lord has already began to bless us and take care of some of those things! I can't wait to see how the Lord paves the way according to His will in our lives for His own glory!

To be continued.....

Tales of a frugal wife- FREEBIES part 2!

2010-01-28T10:18:00.003-06:00

Well, one of my sweet friends saw my previous post and sent me an email FULL of freebies! I thought I'd share them with you!

1. Free Photocards! http://www.seehere.com/pbOverview.do Will give you 29 free photo cards for signing up! PLUS 50 free prints. This is true- I just checked it out. You must pay for your own shipping, but its worth it!

2. Free Label pads- Avery is giving away a package of label pads to try for free- no shipping fee required. http://averydennison.rsys3.net/servlet/formlink/f?HNLjPQWCB

3. Free gluten free products and coupons here http://glutenfreecircle.com/free-products

4. Free Kashi samples- and you get to pick which one! http://www.kashi.com/healthier_year/sample/select

Homemade Laundry Soap

2010-01-28T08:16:00.003-06:00

Okay, I have talked a lot about making my homemade laundry soap and I realize that I never got back to blogging about my experience. So here are all the Pro's and Con's!

PROS:

*Well, I made my first batch of laundry soap back in October. It cost around $20 to get started with all of the ingredients plus the 5 gallon bucket. It is now February, and I am STILL using the same batch!

*It is cheap. Like I said, I got started for only $20. Though, from now on my batches will only cost me about $2.00 for the bar of soap. It only takes very little of the soda and borax. Those boxes will last me over a year.

*IT WORKS! At first I wasn't so sure that everything was getting clean...but now that I have been using it for the past 4 months, I am really happy with it.

*I don't have to buy laundry soap! WOW! For four months, I have had what I needed right at my fingertips!

CONS:

*It takes work. You have to grate the soap and melt it. You have to refill your laundry bottle with it every week or so- because the batch makes so much...and its in concentrated form. (I chose to make liquid)

*It doesn't smell as wonderful as the store bought soaps. This was hard for me at first, but I got over it. Saving money became more important than wonderful smells...that and I use scented dryer sheets. So that made it worth it!

*If you make the liquid version, you always have a 5 gallon bucket full of soap sitting in your wash room. (I have limited space...so this was a little bothersome at first, but I got over it.)

All in all, for me, the pros out weighed the cons. I really have enjoyed using the homemade soap. I may try going for the powdered version this time...we will see. Here is the recipe though!

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap- Front or top load machine- best value

4 Cups - hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha soap bar
1 Cup - Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda*
½ Cup Borax

- Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan with water. Stir continually over medium-low heat until soap dissolves and is melted.

-Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax. Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

-Stir and fill a used, clean, laundry soap dispenser half full with soap and then fill rest of way with water. Shake before each use. (will gel)

-Optional: You can add 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

-Yield: Liquid soap recipe makes 10 gallons.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

*Arm & Hammer "Super Washing Soda" - in some stores or may be purchased online here (at Meijer.com). Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!!

Tales of a frugal wife part 2- FREEBIES!

2010-01-28T07:52:00.006-06:00

Its been a while since I have posted any frugal tips! However, yesterday, I was watching The Tyra Show (Which I don't normally do- but the topic thrilled me). It was all about how to get free stuff! Who doesn't like a deal? So I thought I'd share some websites!

1. http://www.freecycle.org/- This is a really neat thing. You have to seemingly go through a lot (setting up a yahoo account if you don't already have one and then get accepted to the group in your area) However, to me the concept was interesting enough for me to go through all of the steps. The idea is a website similar to craigslist, only every thing is free. This is mostly appliances however. Basically you have a group site, and you can look at the posts and see what everyone has. You also post things around your house that you no longer need! Its a great way to get rid of things that are just lying around your house and to meet someone else's need! You can also find things that you need for free! How cool is that? I signed up yesterday and I'm checking it out. I will let you know what all I find!

2. http://pssst.generalmills.com/ This is pretty neat. Basically General Mills company is always looking to find people to test the newest products. Who doesn't like new products? General mills will send you coupons to try out new things- in exchange for feedback! Some of the time the products are full size! WOW! So its a win win situation. You get to try something before you buy it...and you get stuff for free! NIFTY! You also have to sign up as a member, which I did yesterday, and I will let you know when I receive my first coupons!

3. http://www.shespeaks.com/ This is similar to the general mills idea- only the products are endless! From makeup to fashion and everything in between! You sign up to become a member and fill out a questionnaire. Based upon your interests, the company will begin sending you products to try (they contact you first with each product and get your permission) and then you try it out for an extended period of time. You give them feedback. No cost to you whatsoever. The catch here is that the more they see your commitment to them, the more they let you try. So you have to be fairly active on the website- ie making comments on the discussion boards, blogging about your latest products, etc. Though, for a stay at home mom such as myself...with one 5 year old..and my love for blogging, it should be a piece of cake....hmm...wonder if they will send me cake?!

Anyhow, we know these are all legit companies since they were presented on the Tyra Show. So I could look at it without fear of getting scammed. Look in to it for yourselves and see what you find! I will blog later and let you know which ones were worth it for me!

The heart behind the movement

2010-01-15T09:39:00.014-06:00

There has been much talk in the past couple of weeks about the issue of abortion. The buzz is mostly due to the construction of the world's second largest abortion clinic in Houston, Texas. This will be the largest clinic in the US. CNN says "Planned Parenthood is renovating a former bank, turning it into a 78,000 square foot facility that will include a surgical wing equipped to provide late-term abortions." The crazy part of this, is that this "abortion super center" has been strategically placed in the middle of an area that is high in minority, and low in income. Since there has been much talk about the fact that the heart of planned parenthood beats racism- I decided to dig a little deeper to when abortion all began.

First of all, it all began in the hearts of women not wanting to be pregnant. Long before doctors were able and willing to do these procedures, women were giving themselves abortions. This even dates back to the middle ages. Long before "feminist rights movement' even began. Of course, this was incredibly dangerous and often resulted in death of the women. In the US, not even 100 years ago, it was ILLEGAL for a doctor to preform abortions. One of the first clinics opened in the US in 1916. It was opened in Boston by a woman named Margaret Sanger. The clinic was opened for 9 days before she was arrested and put into jail. She served 30 days in prison. She was an advocate for women's "sexual liberation" and the ability to have control over her own body- to be able to have freedom without fear of pregnancy. So her practice began with birth control- contraceptives and education. Which was a big faux paux of her time. She began to be an advocate for birthcontrol when she became increasingly aware of women who were risking their lives in self induced abortion. She decided that there had to be another way, that wouldn't lead women into this kind of desperation. While she wasn't completely against abortions- she honestly thought that by making birthcontrol available in society that there would no longer be a need for abortion. Here is a quote:

"we explained simply what contraception was; that abortion was the wrong way — no matter how early it was performed it was taking a life; that contraception was the better way, the safer way — it took a little time, a little trouble, but was well worth while in the long run, because life had not yet begun."

"It is apparent that nothing short of contraceptives can put an end to the horrors of abortion and infanticide."

Boy was she was wrong! In a time where birthcontrol is available in every form imaginable- and by the way, free at some clinics, we find that abortion rates are at an all time HIGH. Another thing that I found while doing research is that Mrs. Singer had definite motives for encouraging birth control that are heart wrenching and make no mistake...while she had hopes that contraceptives would do away with the "need" for abortions, she was not against abortion by any means. Her main motive behind her practices was that we shouldn't have big families. She believed that all of the problems in our world: poverty, war, oppression were all due to "over breeding" She even had an entire chapter in her book intitled "The wickedness of creating large families".

"[Women] went on breeding with staggering rapidity those numberless, undesired children who became the clogs and the destroyers of civilizations."

Wow. Seriously? Children are considered undesired destroyers of civilization? This just breaks my heart. Certainly, each of us is led by our own convictions as to how large our families should be. I am not one to tell people they should never prevent pregnancy by way of contraception...though it is harsh statements like this that make me think deeply about my own desire at times to prevent pregnancy. Is it simply an inconvenience on my life? Or is it out of wisdom? I will always err on the side of grace in this area...but it does give me some challenging thoughts to reconsider my own motives. She sums up her chapter by saying "The most merciful thing the large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it."

Her strong opinions about this were especially harsh towards those who have physical and mental disabilities. She felt as if these people had no right to reproduce.

"The undeniably feeble-minded should, indeed, not only be discouraged but prevented from propagating their kind."

This also continued into her ideas of lower class reproduction that hit minorities as well.

"It is a vicious cycle; ignorance breeds poverty and poverty breeds ignorance. There is only one cure for both, and that is to stop breeding these things. Stop bringing to birth children whose inheritance cannot be one of health or intelligence. Stop bringing into the world children whose parents cannot provide for them. Herein lies the key of civilization. For upon the foundation of an enlightened and voluntary motherhood shall a future civilization emerge"

"It is said that a fish as large as a man has a brain no larger than the kernel of an almond. In all fish and reptiles where there is no great brain development, there is also no conscious sexual control. The lower down in the scale of human development we go the less sexual control we find. It is said that the aboriginal Australian, the lowest known species of the human family, just a step higher than the chimpanzee in brain development, has so little sexual control that police authority alone prevents him from obtaining sexual satisfaction on the streets."

So we now see the heart behind this whole movement. It saddens me to think that just 94 years ago this woman was imprisoned for taking a human life...and now its a common practice among Americans. That it has become a form of birth control. How foolish Mrs. Sanger was to believe that abortion would someday be considered "unnecessary" . Women will no doubt, continue in their efforts of selfishness. They did it long before they had the society's permission and they will continue in that effort no matter the cost.

This coming Sunday and Monday, there will be a rally in Houston to pray and take a stand against this new facility being opened. I do believe that we should take a stand against this issue. I believe that there are women who are feeling hopeless and desperate. We need to be reaching out to these hurting women! For certain we can pray for this insane practice to be revoked and we can vote to that end...however, I am afraid that as not even a century ago, women will still continue in this effort- whether or not they have a facility to go to will only slow down the effort. What these women need is the gospel. They have a misunderstanding of God and of themselves. They have a distorted view of human life. The only thing that will give these women a correct perspective is Christ alone.

Hello There 2010!

2010-01-04T11:29:00.004-06:00

Happy New Year! This is the first official week of 2010! I think this is the most excitement I have ever had about starting a new year. I think this year more than any, the idea of starting fresh, with new hopes for the future seems even sweeter than ever before. I think in part this comes from last year being the most difficult, heart wrenching year of my life. Though, it has also proved to be one of the sweetest. I think the further I get into 2010, the more I will begin to realize this and the more precious last year will become to me.

I always start off the year by reading my blog post from the year before. I must say my eyes filled with tears as I poured over those words and began to recount how the Lord had fulfilled my greatest desire in a way that I would never have imagined. Last year I thought that the Lord had finally showed me his great love for me. I finally understood it. Now standing here, looking back, I hadn't even skimmed the surface. Yes, the Lord did show me His great love for me through the pages of the book of John. It was beautiful. I saw his great gentleness and compassion. I am thankful that he revealed those things to me...because it wasn't before long that he would take me somewhere that I had never been before. He had equipped me for a place that would be full of grief and sorrow, a place where there would be despair and darkness....a place by which would be the only way for me to understand the great love of Christ. He would take what he taught me in his word, and write it on my heart. It would no longer be theology in my head, but a solid foundation of truth that would be deeply planted within my soul.

At the time of that blog post, I had no idea what the Lord had planned for me that year. My hearts only plea was to draw near to him- and by understanding his great love for me that love would provoke love. Only a few short months later, the Lord began to show his great love for me and answer my prayers!

Right now I am studying to teach John 11 in our ladies bible study. This chapter in particular has been so monumental in helping me to understand the trials in my life and why the Lord gives them to us. I just wanted to share a small portion of it with my few faithful readers!

Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord will fragrant oil and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to Him saying, Lord behold, he whom you love is sick. When Jesus heard that, he said, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." Now Jesus LOVED Martha and her sister and Lazarus. SO, when he heard that he was sick, he stayed two more days in the place where he was." John 11:1-6

"Then Jesus said to them plainly, "Lazarus is dead. And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe. Nevertheless, let us go to him." v14-15

It is out of LOVE for Martha, Mary, and Lazarus that Jesus stayed. Not to mention the disciples and the people that witnessed the raising of Lazarus from the dead. This love here in the verse refers to a divine love- not a friendship love. Jesus delayed and let Lazarus suffer and die so that

1. God would be glorified- to show his deity
2. To strengthen the faith of those who believed
3. To call those who didn't believe- to believe

It is out of that very same love that Jesus allowed the sorrow and suffering in my life this past year. He did this out of LOVE for me. Not only this, but it grieved him in his heart as well.

Therefore, when Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in his spirit and was troubled. And He said "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "Lord, come and see." Jesus wept. Then the Jews said "See how He loved him!" v33-36

Jesus is both God and man. As a man, he feels pain, grief, sorrow. He loved these people dearly- and he was moved to the point of weeping...out loud often described as "an involuntary cry wrung from the heart." WOW! Therefore, since Jesus is capable of grief and sorrow, he knows just how to be a comfort to those who grieve and sorrow...going through all that I have past year- one thing is clear. Only those who have walked where you are walking (in terms of grief) can truly be a comfort to you. I have had many conversations with well meaning, sweet friends...and yet, there is something so dear, so special about the words that pour forth from the mouths of those who know what it is like to go through great sorrow and pain. Jesus can lend this kind of comfort. He knows. He has been there.

All that to say, it is out of His great love for me that he has brought trials, pain, and even death into my life. He continues to wait to provide children for our family- still out of love for me. This doesn't make sense from a human standpoint...but sometimes, it is the BEST gift the Lord can give us. He withholds to bless us later in ways that we cannot imagine.

Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you, and therefore He will be exalted that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for Him. Isaiah 30:18

So it is with all of this in mind that I am able to "smile at the future" (prov 31). Knowing that the Lord has been exalted through the trials in my life. I am completely convinced of His love for me...and I cannot wait to see what he has in store for me this year!

A lesson learned from the mouth of a babe

2009-12-08T11:47:00.003-06:00

This past Saturday was a very exciting one. Dallas and I were able to have some alone time to do some Christmas shopping. I love Christmas shopping! Especially shopping for my daughter. I love the hustle and bustle of the busy stores. I love looking all over town for the perfect gifts that she will love. As I am picking them out, I am imagining her sweet smile and bright eyes as she unwraps the gift and sees it for the first time. I can almost hear her shriek with excitement as I stand in the store holding this perfect gift. I love bringing it home and wrapping it it the most beautiful paper and placing it perfectly under the tree. Its almost an art to me! It brings me such joy to give my daughter gifts because I love her so much. We have also talked about buying only three gifts for Naomi this year. We try to do this to help US to not over spend...and to help to further teach her the story of Christmas- the three gifts simply represent the three gifts given to Jesus by the Wise men.

Well, it came as a big surprise to me when I awoke on Monday morning to an angry little five year old peering over the side of my bed. Her face was twisted, and she said in a very angry, disappointed, almost accusing voice..."Why do I only have three presents under the tree?"

Well. Needless to say, I was immediately sad in my heart. Did she not know the great love that I have for her? Does she not know how I personally hand picked these gifts for her? She had no idea what lay inside the packages...nor did she understand our reasoning for only buying three. All she knew is that we had not met her expectations. My sad heart quickly became an angry heart. Did she feel as though she deserved any gifts at all? She should be so thankful that she has ANY Gifts! How many children this Christmas will have nothing at all? Does she not see that this is a blessing?

It was later that morning, as I was doing the dishes, I began pondering these things in my mind. The Lord convicted my heart. How many times have I had this same reaction with my Lord? How many times has he blessed my life with something and I have said to him "This is it Lord? Nothing else?" Or maybe I wanted something different than what he gave me...and I complain in my heart. There I stand with my angry little face, before my Father. The One who loves me and knows what is best for me. Who has handpicked my gifts in this life and wrapped them in His perfect timing. Here I stand before him discontented and completely oblivious to His plan for me in this.

Though one thing is quite different. I had no idea that Naomi would respond to me in this way. I completely expected her to be thrilled when she woke up and saw those gifts under the tree. I expected her to pick them up and shake them...listening with amazement, curiosity and wonder at what was inside. I expected her to be thankful. The Lord however, always knows what my response will be. He knows my heart through and through. He knows full well as he is preparing a gift for me that I will be standing before him without any gratitude at all. He knows that I will be discontent and want more. He knows that I will not fully comprehend the gift, the reason for the gift, the timing of the gift, or even the LACK of the gift. I won't get it...and he loves me anyway. He gives to me abundantly anyway. He is a perfect Father.

I am so thankful for the lessons that I learn through my daughter. She teaches me so much and she is clueless to that fact! This has stirred up my heart so much. I am praying now that as the Lord continues to bless my life, that I learn to be a thankful daughter.

Light in the Valley

2009-11-30T14:04:00.009-06:00

I don't think I could have found a picture that better captures what my heart feels like right now. It has been 8 weeks since we found out that we had a miscarriage. This week in particular has been rough for me. Even though this is the second time that I have gone through this, this year...it hasn't gotten any easier. It seems like no matter what you can't escape grief. It comes, uninvited and with no warning. You just wake up one day and everything feels different. Your emotions are all over the place, which is probably also due your hormones who are still confused and trying to catch up!

I think the hardest part of a miscarriage, at least for me is the dreams that you experience. The last miscarriage, I always dreamt about running away and trying to protect the baby from something. This time the dreams feel so real and wonderful! Everything is just fine- the baby cries, you pick him up and he stops- looks into your eyes and smiles the biggest smile you have ever seen. Then the hard part comes...you wake up and realize that it wasn't real. Then you spend the rest of the day wanting to think back on how wonderful the dream was, but at the same time not thinking about it because its a wonderful feeling, but also a horrible feeling.

I think I walk around most of the time wondering if I seem as awkward as I feel. Do I just look as out of place as I think I am? You are always walking around feeling as if you forgot something...like there is this big hole in your heart and you are the only one who realizes it.

Everything else goes on as normal...but you are not normal.

Anyhow, after having such a rough week I just, mostly out of frustration, started going over my John chapter 10 questions for ladies bible study. I am so thankful for this study! I started going over the chapter and then since the chapter is about how Jesus is The Good Shepherd, I went back to Psalm 23. I love this Psalm. It is so helpful to me when my heart is in such a dark place!

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul......yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me. Your rod and staff comfort me..." Ps 23:1-4

I love my James Montgomery Boice commentaries. I read from this while studying and it gave me such insight to how I am feeling and what I am going through.

"God gives us valleys also. It is in the valleys with their trials and dangers that we develop character...yet the valley has its own unique problem. The problem is fear. What is the answer to it? The Shepherd's close presence. For he is the only one who can protect the sheep and calm their anxieties...we are never so conscious of the presence of God as when we pass through lifes valleys."

I think for me this year has been so overwhelming. It has been good as I have been learning and growing during these difficult months..but at the same time there are moments of hopelessness. I fear that my life will always be this way. As I sit back and watch all of my friends have baby after baby...and I have miscarriage after miscarriage...I start to fear that it may never change. That we may never have another baby. "Well, at least you have Naomi" I hear that a lot. Yes, I am thankful for my daughter...but you know what? I fell in love with the babies that I lost. Its like telling someone with 5 children, "Well, you only lost one, you still have four." Do you think that is really a comfort? I guess to those who have never experienced this, you tend to forget those were actual people...and your heart is forever broken because you miss them so much. My mom is in her 40's...she still dreams about the babies that she lost in her 20's. It never just goes away. Anyhow, yes. FEAR. That is the biggest challenge in valleys. You never know what lurks in the shadows. You never know what is coming next. Thankfully, we have a Shepherd that does. He goes out before us and He leads me in these valleys. Its not that he just shoo's me off into these dark parts of the earth. No, he is there. He knows the valley well. My only hope for comfort, rest, and peace in this time of dark, scary, hopelessness is to draw near to Him. There is no other comfort. There is no one who can give me the right answer or say the right thing...who can offer the right words. Sometimes it helps in the moment- but ultimately its going to be me drawing near to the one who is leading me through this valley.

So today is not as hard as yesterday. I'm thankful for that. His mercies are new every day. I am thankful for the little bit of light that is shining on a difficult situation. I am thankful for the reminder that Jesus is my Shepherd. He is near to me in this difficult time. I just need to draw near to him and rest in His word and take comfort in His sweet leading through the rough terrain, until he leads me beside the still waters and the soft sweet pasture again. I know from past experiences that its just a matter of time.

Chicken and Black Bean Pie

2009-11-09T14:03:00.002-06:00

Ingredients:

1 Can Black Beans

2 chicken breasts- cooked and chopped

1/2 jar of Texas Salsa

1/2 C white sharp cheddar cheese- shredded

1 pkg frozen pie shells- thawed (it should come with two)

In a pot on the stove, heat up beans and salsa. Add chopped chicken to mixture. Heat long enough to flavor the beans and chicken. Add this mixture to one pie crust. Sprinkle cheese on mixture. Stir around to that it is evenly mixed in. Add second pie crust on top and press the sides together. Bake according to pie crust directions. You want your top crust to be nice and browned.

We also eat this topped with sour cream and guacamole! Its super yummy! Feeds 4.

Cream Cheese, Sour Cream Coffee Cake

2009-11-09T13:54:00.004-06:00

This is what I like to call a "high maintenance" recipe...but its worth it!

Ingredients:

2 C Sugar

10 TBS butter- soft

1/2 C Cream cheese

2 lg Egg Whites

1 lg Egg

2 C All-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 C sour cream

1/2 tsp Vanilla Extract

1 tsp powdered sugar

Streusel topping:

1/4 C coarsely chopped walnuts

1/4 sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

Directions: Heat oven to 350. Combine streusel and set aside.

Beat sugar, butter, and cream cheese on medium for 5 minutes. This makes it super light and fluffy! Add egg whites and 1 egg..one at a time, beating well after each addition. Combine next 4 ingredients in a bowl and stir with a whisk. Add flour mixture to sugar mixture alternating with sour cream. Beat after each addition. Stir in vanilla. Spoon 1/2 batter in a 9x13 pan that has been coated and floured. Top with half of streusel mixture. Pour remaining batter and smooth. Sprinkle remaining topping over entire cake. Bake for 40-50 minutes. Once cooled, sprinkle with powdered sugar.

Pumpkin Pancake Recipe

2009-11-09T13:48:00.003-06:00

Ingredients:

2 C All-Purpose Flour
3 TBS Brown Sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground all spice
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 C milk
1 C pumpkin puree
1 egg
1 TBS vegetable oil (I used butter instead)
2 TBS white vinegar

Directions:

Mix milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar together in a large bowl. In a separate bowl mix flour, sugar, powder, soda, spices, and salt. Stir into pumpkin mixture until combined. Heat sprayed pan on Med- High. Scoop 1/4 mixture per pancake- kinda flatten batter for even cooking. Brown both sides- making sure center is done.

Makes about 15 pancakes. I sprinkled pecans on top of the buttered syprup-y pancakes for an extra yummo factor!

The Taras Girls...A New World Order!

2009-11-05T07:12:00.008-06:00

This picture pretty much describes what my life feels like. It seems as though its a constant cycle of being disciplined in everything: finances, child rearing, organization, time spent with the Lord, good attitudes..etc. You do well for a while and then you fall into one of those ruts. Well...here we are again! It seems with Naomi and I, especially since we are home 4 days a week, that our lives become less disciplined and more lassiez faire. My personality is pretty laid back as well..come what may...do school when we feel like it...etc. though now I see a new life on the horizon! A new beginning!

I see in my own life a need to be more diligent in all areas of my life. I see that my lack of diligence is also streaming down to my daughter who needs more structure in her life. I have noticed lately a big attitude change in her. It seems like every time I want her to do something its turns into complaining and arguing. With her though, it is subtle. She makes a sad face, pokes out her bottom lip and slumps off to do what I asked...very sloooooowly. Or says "but mom!" Though these subtle responses are simply a reflection of what is in her heart. She doesn't want to do what I am asking..or she takes 10 years to complete a task. Though I can't fault her completely....Its all a result of my lack of disciplining her right away. (again, a vicious cycle). Though its more than just that. Since we have school at home, she only has about an hour each day to sit down and have structured time. Other than that she pretty much plays and does what she wants (in the realm of reason and boundaries, obviously). I am seeing that this is not the best thing for her though...and while its easy for me to ignore the small ways that she is dishonoring to me her attitude has ramped up several levels when she is at church with her teachers. I am finding that she has been difficult with them beyond what she would ever even attempt at home. So I see its time to kick things up a notch here at home! Time for more structure and discipline! Though I can't help as I notice my daughter's need for discipline and attitude change, that I also have a need for it as well!

So here we are folks, a new day has dawned. It is a new world order for the Taras girls! I am thankful that as I am cracking down on my daughter that I can also encourage her that mommy needs help in these areas too- and that we are in this together! What a great way we can relate and help each other during the day!

***just an addition***

I was encouraged by someone very dear to me from Micah 7 this week. I was meditating on these verses just now and it encouraged me in my diligence to bring my home and daughter under control, there is something the Lord requires more. Yes, he requires obedience in our lives. That is good- but its not enough. It will never be enough.

"Has he shown you, O man what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (v8)

So even as I am diligently trying to get my home and schedule in order, to reign in my daughter..and my own attitude...outward obedience is never enough. There is nothing I can do in my life that would be enough. The Lord requires that I do justly, that I am extending mercy to others, and that I am walking in humility with the Father. So my prayer is that as I am getting my home under control and structure and discipline on the outside, that it would be an outward reflection of what is taking place on the inside..that my heart would be "in order" as well, that I would be merciful to my family during this process- extending love, vs being a tyrant on a mission...and that the Lord would just grant me humility as I am learning to balance it all.

Thoughts on women's ministry

2009-11-03T19:39:00.008-06:00

About 4 years ago, my husband and I were led by the Lord to step down from being involved with the youth ministry in our church. Little by little the Lord started bringing us into the adult ministry via grow groups and bible studies. It has been a neat transition to say the least. I have learned over the past few years that adult ministry is nothing like youth ministry! It took a while though, for me to figure out the difference. I'm not quite sure when this epiphany took place...though it has been on my heart a lot this week- so being me...I had to share.

I think for a long time I put "ministry" and "discipleship" in a box. I always had a "plan" before I got together with someone or had some sort of goal to reach in mind- or would manipulate the conversation to fit my "agenda". Not that this is always bad- we are called to encourage one another and confront one another with things. Though I always thought there had to be a "plan" for the time spent. I felt like it had to be super spiritual conversation taking place the entire time and that we had to pray together or go through a book together- or it was frivolous and wasteful.

How the Lord has opened my eyes and changed my mind! Here is what ministry among friends is NOT:

*Its NOT putting my friendships in a box- What I mean by this is that you should have a desire to spend time with people and have real friendships, or at least building friendship time vs. "I am going to minister to so and so today at 1:30" Its not time for us to sit down in chairs (mine slightly higher than yours, of course) and me telling you all about what I think. Its not time manipulated by opinions and my idea of who you should be..what you should look like, sound like, act like. This is not a time where I generate and control all conversation! This is such a hindrance to your friendships! This puts up walls and barriers in your relationship. Its impossible to really LOVE someone when you have this attitude...simply because you are not so much thinking of the other person and trusting the Lord to grow them and convict them- but leaning on your own ideas or judgements. I can speak about this because I have been here-I made it an art.

*Its NOT a time for me to have all the answers- honestly, I don't have ANY answers for anyone apart from the word of God! I always used to be fearful that someone would ask me something that I didn't know the answer to...or what would be the right thing in any given situation. I have found it so comforting when I ask a question and someone doesn't know...and they say, "lets pray about that" or "lets go to the word and see what the Lord has to say" or "ask your husband"! We don't have all of the answers- and its okay to voice it!

Its NOT time for me to appear to have it all together- why do we think this? Why do we always think in order to disciple someone and encourage someone that we have to have everything in our lives down perfectly? We deceive ourselves if we think for a split second that any part of our lives is in perfect order! Can I also say that its not encouraging to anyone when you come across as if you have it all together...who can live up to or relate to that? Be transparent! You don't have to bring out every detail of your life but let people in to who you are and how you struggle as a believer.

Its NOT one sided- The one anothers is a give and take. It goes both ways. We should NEVER spend time with someone with the idea that they are going to learn from you only. This is nothing but our stinkin' pride welling up and making us think that we are above someone else. This is a big no-no!

So what IS this ministry then among sisters?

It IS life-discipleship- this means you live your lives together. You hang out, you watch movies, you go shopping...you have lunch. You get the kids together and play. You let the conversation flow where the LORD directs it. You have no other agenda but to be pleasing to the Lord in all that you say. I have had two occasions in the past two weeks that I was ministered to and I was able to minister to someone else. Neither were planned. The Lord just directed our hearts! Someone had something to encourage me about that had been in both of our hearts...and then I was able to encourage someone else with the same life experience and comfort that I received from the Lord! Those times of ministry that are not FORCED but guided by the Holy Spirit are the most precious beautiful times! Just LOVE people. Hang with them. Don't look at other women as a "ministry". Look at them as your friends- and just love them and treat them the way that you want to be loved and treated! Do you want to be someone else's "ministry" or someone else's beloved friend?

It IS being honest- It is so encouraging to me when I am sharing my struggles with someone and they say "I know exactly how you feel..." or "Let me share with you my struggle in this.." or "This is what was helpful to me when I struggled in this way..." Jesus is able to sympathize in our weaknesses- and He is perfect. How then can we (big ol' sinners) not sympathize with our sisters OUT LOUD?! This is how people relate and learn from you. I don't know about you but the most encouraging women in my life are those who are open and honest with me about everything and are willing to share their lives (the good, the bad, AND the ugly) with me!

It IS being teachable- As Christian women, we all have something to offer one another! This is how the Lord designed His church! We are all a part of ONE body! Therefore, we all have something to contribute towards one another's edification! It is nothing but pride that makes us think that we can't learn from someone else because they are not as "mature" as we are.

My heart has just been burdened as I have looked back on my past experience (which is very little, by the way) in time spent with my friends. We don't have to be measuring ourselves up to one another- and trying to figure out where you fit on the spirit-odometer against someone else. That is just foolishness! People know when you don't truly love them and you keep yourself distanced! I have been burdened over the past few years to break down those walls of pride in my heart about ministry and just love the women who are around me genuinely. I am blessed so much by everyone in my life. My desire is just to honor the Lord with those friendships that he has given me and be careful not to taint them with my own goofy, prideful ideas! I hope this can encourage any readers to be careful of the same!

In remembrance....

2009-10-29T07:57:00.002-05:00

I have been feeling this great desire to have something tangible to remember the babies that we lost. Its a feeling that few can identify with. When you have a miscarriage it seems as though life goes on and you move on, though there is this hole in your heart...like someone is missing from your life.

I remembered seeing charms that were specifically designed to remember miscarriages. I did a search online and nothing really appealed to my heart. There were hand prints and feet...and a lot of what was available out there just looked like another piece of jewelry. I wanted something so that when I looked at it, I would have an instant reminder. I looked for hours and then I came upon this. My heart was just instantly filled with joy and sadness all at the same time. This is what my heart was looking for! What a beautiful picture!

This website (which I will post at the bottom) belongs to a woman who has gone through 4 miscarriages. After her 2nd is when she made this charm. Her story of how she came up with this design is very sweet as she used her last ultrasound picture for inspiration.

So I showed this to my husband who was excited for me and we plan to put together a charm bracelet as a Christmas gift- to remember this year, all that I have learned and to remember these precious little gifts! oh, and of course, Naomi will be on there too :o)

I wanted to share this with anyone who has experienced a miscarriage- for me it was a big wave of encouragement and a sweet memory to cherish.

Here is that website www.miscarriagememories.com

Taras Family News

2009-10-13T21:25:00.002-05:00

Here is a family update...I'm sure most of our friends and family are aware by now but we found out last week that we lost our baby. I was almost 10 weeks. The doctor is not sure what happened. Just a week and a half prior, we had a strong heart beat and everything looked great. I took some blood tests and we will go in next week to see if there is something going on with me that is causing the miscarriages.

We are doing well, I am still in shock of it all and pretty disappointed, which is expected. It was hard to go through this the first time...but we knew that it was possible because of the complications. This time, its a little different in that there were no signs...so to us it kind of "came without warning". Most trials in life do come without warning though, and so we are just keeping our focus on the Lord and looking to Him for peace through this difficult time. Christ alone is the only one who can bring comfort to our hearts!

I think now, more than ever, I am most thankful for my family. I was thinking today about all of the trials our family could be facing, and the Lord is very gracious to me. I have the best husband on the planet- he truly is my best friend and he means more to my heart than all the children in the world! I also have a beautiful 5 year old daughter who keeps me filled with happiness on a daily basis! She is an amazing gift from the Lord and I am so thankful that He gave her to us. If we never have another child, our lives would be so full because of her!

I am heartbroken, and I was just realizing the other day that if I had not had the first miscarriage, I would be having a baby next month. While that is staggering to think about, it is also comforting. It just doesn't seem that we have been in this trial for nearly 8 months. It seems like a whirl wind. Time has just flown by and so it encourages my heart that we still have plenty of time to have more children, Lord willing.

While we wait to hear our test results, my prayer is that we would be steadfast, leaning on the Lord and trusting Him in all of it. We know that He is in control- not my doctor! We are not relying upon tests or medicine for children! We know that it is very helpful, but at the same time we know that the Lord is in control- even over these tests and what information they lend us! So please be praying for us while we wait!

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

Opportunity to share!

2009-09-17T10:56:00.002-05:00

I am thankful that this week, my sweet friend Jessalyn wrote to me and asked if I would help her in writing a testimonial about what it is like to have a misscarriage. She has a great blog (well, several great blogs actually!) and wanted to have something to minister to women who are going through something so difficult! I was super blessed to be able to share what the Lord did through the most difficult moment in my life! I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity to "relive" those moments and truths that the Lord pressed upon my heart. It was a great encouragement to me, to go back and remember that precious time of drawing near to the Lord. Here is the link so that anyone who wants to, can read it!

Thank you Jess, for this amazing opportunity! You are such a great blessing to me and to other women. Thank you for your precious heart in wanting to reach out to women who are experiencing pain that only a few can understand!

Naomi's 1st day of Kindergarten!

2009-08-28T12:37:00.006-05:00

Today is Naomi's 1st official day of Kindergarten! We are so excited and blessed to teach her at home this year. I was a little overwhelmed with the curriculum at first, but I think its going to be great! This year we will get to cover bible, scripture memory, writing, reading, language arts, math, and even some spanish! She is most excited about "art"! My crafty girl! It only takes about an hour so far to get through. Some days will be longer than others. We are also doing a "co-op" which includes one of her friends. One day a week Naomi's friend will come over and have school with us, and one day a week Naomi will go over to her friends house and have school with him! Its a great opportunity for Naomi to be able to learn apart from mommy! This also gives mommy 1 day a week to herself! (which really means, a day to get things done! Ha!) Anyhow, we are so excited to start this new journey with our sweet girl!

Banana Nut Muffin Recipe- Butterless

2009-08-28T12:13:00.002-05:00

I had a hankerin' for some muffins today....but I didn't have any butter. I found a recipe online and then modified it a little...these are SO YUMMY! Super moist!

3 lg mashed ripe bananas

3/4 C white sugar

1 egg

1/3 C unsweetened applesauce

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 C all purpose flour (I used King Aurthur whole wheat)

I added:

1/4 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp ginger

1/2 C chopped pecans

brown sugar

1. Mash bananas then add applesauce, sugar, and egg. Mix well with masher. Add Spices. Mix into batter.

2. In a separate bowl mix dry ingredients together. Add banana mixture. Mix well. Fold in pecans.

3. Fill lined muffin tins with mixture. Sprinkle brown sugar on top.

Bake 375 for 20 minutes. Enjoy! Makes 12 muffins.

Tales of a frugal wife Part 1.5- cooking from scratch (helpful website)

2009-08-28T12:03:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine sent me a helpful website a couple of years ago. At the time, I didn't glean much info from it. Until another friend of mine posted a blog about needing to find helpful cheap recipes that would last a while. Then I remembered this great website! So I went back and looked it over. This website has lots of tips on saving money, recipes, and even a "$45 emergency meal plan" for weeks that get tight unexpectedly. This website is all about making things from scratch! Yes, it takes more time....but it sure does save money! I am all about that! Plus, your family will appreciate the things that are made from your own two hands...well...as long as it tastes good! HA! I'm definitely planning to use this website regularly! I hope its helpful to everyone else too!

www.hillbillyhousewife.com

Tales of a frugal wife Part One- Grocery Shopping

2009-08-26T11:03:00.007-05:00

So it has been 1 month since I decided to try and grocery shop once every two weeks. I have to tell you, I am now a big fan of this! I have saved much time and money doing this! Before, I would budget $125/week on groceries. This included anything we needed for the house, not just groceries. I have gone shopping twice in the past 4 weeks. On average, I have spent about $155/two weeks! I can't believe it! It makes all the difference in the world! How'd I do it you ask?

1. Meal Planning- Shopping this way will not work unless you plan ahead! I made 8 sets of weekly meal plans that I can flip flop around and rotate. This means that I never have to wake up and say "what will we have for dinner this week?". I already have it all in order, along with the shopping list so that I don't forget anything. This is so super easy, I feel silly for not doing this sooner! If you want instructions on how I put this together, I typed it out for a friend! Just comment below and I'll email it to you.

2. Make a detailed list- Obviously we need lists when we go to the store. However, we tend to not stick to our lists! This is the biggest way to save money. Do not buy anything that is not on your list unless it is a need that you forgot about when you made your list! Impulse buying always ends up in overspending! Plan ahead to buy a few fun items when you are at the store. Jot those things down and pick those extras up only! Also- write down how many you need! When you are shopping for two weeks worth of groceries you have to think in doubles...but sometimes that can get super confusing at the store- and so you buy to much or too little of what you need. Think it through, write it down! This is especially important in the produce isle! I wasted so much produce! Which brings me to the biggie....

3. Produce- How do you keep your produce fresh for two weeks? Well, first of all, make sure that you are only buying the produce that you will consume. I cannot tell you how week after week I would spend money on lots of fresh produce only to throw it all away...and then I would turn around and buy it all over again! That is a NO NO! Secondly, you need to invest in these. These are made by Tupperware and are well worth the money! I honestly kept my green leaf lettuce and strawberries edible for a little over two weeks. I'm serious! Also, if you need produce for week two such as avocados, buy the green ones and keep them in your fridge. They will be perfect by the time you are ready for them! Bananas are the number one issue though. They just don't keep past the week. No problemo, we can feast on other fruits on week two! One more thing I have to add to this...is where you shop. Produce will only keep for two weeks if you are going where you can buy the freshest produce. You may have to go a little further than your regular store...BUT you are only having to go every two weeks...so its well worth it! I drive to our HEB in the woodlands to insure produce that will last for our family! Also- know your store well! Find out which days they restock so that you can be sure to get the freshest stuff!

4. Shopping without children- This is super hard...Naomi loves to go to the store with me and I love to have her with me. If I were honest though, I can't concentrate when I have her with me. She is such a good girl in the store but she is a talker. So when trying to figure out the best deal on something, I end up just throwing whatever in the cart because I can't think. This has made all the difference in the world for our bill! This won't always work out...and I shouldn't always expect a nice quiet trip to the store, but when it works out that way, I do save money! This also helps impulse buying!

This is it for now....will keep you informed! Hopefully next month I can report on home made laundry soap!!!!

Naomi's Tea Party Birthday

2009-08-26T08:17:00.004-05:00

Since Naomi was turning 5 this year, which is a big milestone, we decided to give her a big tea party! We usually just have family birthday parties, because we have so much family...but this year we also threw in a friends party for fun! Naomi had an amazing time celebrating with her friends...doing one of her favorite things! Tea Parties! We had it at the Vintage Garden Tea House down in Montgomery. Its an amazing place and they did such a good job! It was defiantly the perfect girl's party...and Nathan was a big trooper! He was the only boy that could make it but he had a great time and is a great friend to Naomi! Enjoy the pics! I can't believe my girl is 5!

Proverbs/Titus Challenge

2009-08-16T21:02:00.015-05:00

It has been on my heart lately to find ways to be a better homemaker for my family! I have been very encouraged by a few of my friends' blogs with ideas they have had for being better stewards with their money! I have been trying a few new things here and there to see if what works for them will work for me as well! But I have been racking my brain trying to figure out additional ways that I can not only save MONEY but also TIME. Sometimes I can find ways to save a penny or two, but it may take me hours in the long run. So then I am stuck with a dilemma! What is more precious in those moments, time or money? Knowing that all things have a balance, I am looking for YOUR help! I want to know- what are some good ways that YOU have found to be a better steward with the money that you have to manage your home and also some good time saver tips? What better way can we encourage one another in these areas than to share what has worked for us?

So here is my challenge- I want ALL of my precious sisters in Christ to share with all of the rest of us ways that you have found to do these things! They don't have to be profound either! I have found that some of the most practical things have been the most simplest of things! So come up with a list of things that you have found to be helpful and then SHARE! Either by way of your blog--and post your link here OR if you are my facebooking friend, then you can share your blog link via facebook! If neither of these are an option, just email me your ideas and I will post them on here for you! I am looking forward to hearing all of these new ideas! If you already have a blog about this topic, then still post your links here as well! **Also, you do NOT have to live in the US to participate! I want to hear tips from every one from everywhere!

PS- I also plan to share within the next couple of weeks the new things that I have tried in this area!

"that they (older women) admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." Titus 2:5

"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, so he will have no lack of gain." Prov. 31:10-11

"She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." Prov 31:27

Banana Bread Recipe

2009-08-12T09:46:00.002-05:00

Sorry, I do not have a picture. I have made this bread several times. You can also use spelt flour with this recipe and it turns out great! Just remember not to over-stir spelt flour!

1 C mashed ripe banana (These need to be nearly black! It makes it so moist)
1/3 C orange juice
1/4 tsp ginger
1/4 tsp cinnamon
2 1/4 C flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2/3 C sugar
1/3 C butter
2 eggs
1/2 C chopped walnuts

Directions: Preheat oven 350. Grease and flour pan. In medium bowl mash banana with spices. Add juice, mix well. In another bowl combine flour, powder, soda, and salt. In large bowl cream together butter and sugar till light and fluffy. Add eggs and mix well. Add bananas and mix well. Then add flour mix. Mix until well incorporated. Stir in nuts pour into pan. Bake 50 mins or till done. Cool 10-15 mins and then remove from pan.

**I also sprinkle walnuts, sugar, and cinnamon on top before I bake.

Family Pictures

2009-08-05T14:22:00.010-05:00

Recently, our family was blessed to have our family pictures taken by the Drumm family. They are an amazing couple that we have known for about 6 or so years now. Dallas and I had the priveledge to watch the Lord bring a man and woman with amazing backgrounds together for His glory. We watched them (sloooowly- or so it seemed) fall in love, get engaged, get married, have children, and now are praying for them as they are about to embark on a whole new adventure...seminary! He is an amazing photographer and we were really blessed to have them take our pictures down at the waterway square in the Woodlands. We are even more blessed to have them as friends. We have ministered alongside one another and are blessed to be able to live our lives for the glory of the Lord together as well! We love you Jason and Claire! Thank you for this beautiful gift! Here are a few of my absolute favorite pics out of the whole bunch. Okay, well honestly, they are ALL my favorites...but I didn't want to put ALL of the pics on here...it would be a really looong blog! LOL!

I love this picture of our family. Jason did such a great job capturing the way that I view my family! The Lord has really blessed us with much joy and peace throughout the years! I am really thankful for two of the most loving, fun people on the planet!

This picture, I just think is cool! We look like we should be in a band or something. :o)

My precious girl. There were so many awesome pictures of her. My favorite thing about Naomi is her smile. She has such a captivating smile. She is happy pretty much all of the time. There are few moments in the day that she looks anything else but this!

Ok, so if you are going to take pictures of the Taras family, you have to be able to capture us naturally! LOL! Yes, this pretty much says it all. We love to laugh and be silly. Its what we do most of the time! We enjoy one another and one of my favorite things about my family is the gift the Lord gave us of a sense of humor.

Naomi and her daddy. She loves him so much! She gets her great sense of humor, ability to make anyone laugh, gentleness, ambition to learn, quick wit, and her eyes all from him!

Yea! I am so proud to be a mom of a little girl! It is so much fun! I was never a girly girl until she came along. Wore bare minimum make up, pants, no jewelry to speak of. NEVER and I mean NEVER wore pink. Wouldn't even look that way. Oh how things have changed! She is such a girly girl and has been from day 1! I am so thankful for all of the toe painting, tea partys and dress up that I get to enjoy with her all of the time!

Me and my sweet man. This says it all. I have looked at him the same way since I was 11 years old. He is HOT! What can I say? I am so blessed to have married such an amazing, godly man. He is a hard working, self sacraficing, loving man. He is gentle and patient...He is tall dark and handsome! He also plays the guitar..what more could a woman ask for? Did I mention how HOT he is?? :o) I can't believe that we have been married for 8 years..and at the same time it seems like I have been with him my whole life. As I look at this picture below, it gives me such joy and makes me think of the future. If the Lord wills, I could be married to this man for 60 or more years! I can't imagine how sweet our marriage would be by then!

Thank you Lord for the beautiful gift of my family! It amazes me daily, your great love to me through the example of these precious people!

Roasted Lemon Chicken with Potatoes- Cooking Light

2009-08-05T14:00:00.002-05:00

This is a new recipe that I tried this week. We are trying to eat as healthy as possible. Well, we always try...the problem is that the food has to be good and flavorful or we will just order a pizza! LOL! So we gave this recipe a try. It was really good! The recipe calls for olives- which Dallas hates, so I skipped those. I also don't have a cast-iron skillet so I modified it a little. Enjoy!

1 Lg lemon, sliced
2 tsp evoo
1/2 tsp graded lemon rind
1 Tbs fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp dried rosemary
8 chicken breasts
10 cherry tomatoes
10 kalamata olives (I skipped these)
8 sm red potatoes, quartered

Preheat oven 400. Arrange lemon slices in a single layer dish (I used 9x13 glass dish). Combine oil and next 6 ingredients in a large bowl. Add chicken, tomatoes, olives, and potato; toss to coat. Arrange chicken in a single layer on lemon slices. Arrange veggie mixture over chicken. Bake for 45-55 minutes till chicken is done.

**If you want to bake it in a cast iron dish, this recipe calls for a 10 inch cast iron dish, bake at 450 for 55 minutes.

Tortilla Soup Recipe- Southern Living

2009-07-23T15:02:00.004-05:00

1 large onion-chopped
4-6 garlic cloves-minced
2 Tbs. dried cilantro
3 Tbs. Veg oil
2 C cooked chicken (I used left over fajita meat!)
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can diced rotel (I drained it)
2 big cans of chicken broth
1 Tbs. ground cumin
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp. black pepper
2 C cheese-shredded
avacado slices
crunched up tortilla chips (I used blue corn)

Saute 1st 4 ingredients in veg. oil for 5 minutes. Add chicken and next 6 ingredients. Boil, reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes(super important- gets all of the flavors going!). Serve into bowls. Top with chip pieces, cheese, and avacado. Enjoy!

**I did drain the rotel and Naomi was able to eat the soup. There is a little spice to it this way, but not enough for her to complain! The whole family LOVED this recipe!

Strength from the Word!

2009-07-23T14:03:00.003-05:00

I am so thankful for the word of God! It truly is living and active! It is perfect and sufficient to help us in every area of our lives. I shared in my last blog posting my weaknesses through this trial we are undergoing. Today, I am blessed to be able to share some encouragement that I found in my time with the Lord today! God is so good to me!

"That He would grant you according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the innerman." Ephesians 3:16

"That you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power for all patience and longsuffering with joy. Giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light." Colossians 1:10-12

"For by Him all things were created that are in Heaven and that are on the Earth. Visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. Colossians 1:16

As I was reading these passages, I remembered hearing of how a shepherd, when he would have a wandering sheep, would train him by breaking his leg. He would bound it up and then carry the sheep on his neck until the sheep was healed. Once the shepherd could put the sheep down to walk on his own, the sheep would stay close by the shepherd's side. I started thinking about this trial that we are in. I can see where the Lord has wounded me for sure- yet is also training my heart to draw ever so near to Him during this time of healing. He is strengthening me through His Spirit! It seems like every time I go to His word and drink, I feel glimpses of life, joy, and peace. I feel refreshed and somewhat normal again! I am thankful that He does give us strength to endure through the longsuffering and patience! Not only does He give us the strength to make it through, but to make it through with Joy and Thanksgiving! As I was reading the cross reference verse on strength given to us by the Lord, the last verse caught my eye. That everything is made through Him and for Him!

What a joy it is for me to be able to say "Thank you Lord, for this trial. Thank you for the strength that you are giving me daily! Thank you for the gift that you gave me- the baby that was practically invisible to the rest of the world. Yet your word says that you made it for yourself! For your glory!"

Sorrow for the Glory of God!

2009-07-18T08:48:00.005-05:00

Grief is a funny thing. Unless you have walked through it- you have no idea what to expect. Dallas and I lost our second child due to misscarriage about 3 1/2 months ago. At the time, God was so gracious and gave us strength and encouragement to walk through the most difficult situation we have ever faced. We were able to send out letters to family and friends to encourage them about the Soverienty of God over situations just like these. We wanted to take any opportunity to glorify the Lord through this trial and not waste the platform He had given us to share His character and the gospel with those we love the most. While neither one of us ever doubted in God's goodness in this trial, it didn't make it easy.

I want to take this time to glorify the Lord, even in my weakness. I know many people have expressed being encouraged by the strength and faith that the Lord has given to Dallas and I. While God has been gracious to us and has been "holding us up by our armpits" this entire time, I just want to take the time to also share that the grieving process isn't always so easy. While God's grace is poured out on me daily, there are times that are rough and dark. I have learned however, that even in our darkest, saddest moments, God is still glorified! When we feel hopeless and scared, God is still glorified. When we feel like our hearts have been ripped out of our chests and we ask God WHY? God is still glorified. When we grieve and sorrow, God is still glorified. God is glorified even in the struggle. Why? Because I can't do anything. The grief and sorrow that I am experiencing, I can't make it better. I can't make it leave. I can only cling tight to Jesus and trust that He is with me. I can trust that this is from His compassionate hand. I can trust that He has a purpose even in the pain. I can trust that He is the only one who can bring comfort and peace. He is my peace! In my weakness, He is made strong!

For those of you who don't know the background: Dallas and I waited for 4 years to have suitable insurance to be able to get pregnant. We trusted the Lord for those 4 years as we waited, knowing that the wait was from Him. We learned to lean on Him for all of our physical needs. We watched couple after couple have baby after baby. We are in a church FILLED with families who have multiple children. I struggled with the notion that only the most godly families were filled with children. (Rediculous thinking, BTW) I watched my daughter, as an only child get older and older thinking, "will she have a relationship with her siblings if she is too old?" We just kept going back to God's sovereignty over all things and kept waiting on Him to provide in His perfect time. Then in July of last year, the Lord provided. We had the best insurance probably on the planet! God is good! Then it took 8 months for us to get pregnant. I just kept thinking, God's timing is perfect. We waited 4 long years for insurance, 8 months is a cakewalk. Then it happend! We were blessed with a pregnancy! We were so excited! Everyone around us was so excited. We had all waited and prayed for this day for nearly 5 years. As quick as the excitement came, it left again. After weeks of complication and waiting to see what the Lord had for this child, we lost the baby.

Months later, the grief started. The pain came. The questions in my mind rose. Why? Why would you make us wait and trust you for so long. Why would you finally provide and then take it back? Have we not trusted you enough? Have we not had enough faith? Did I do something wrong? Do you not love me? Are you angry with me? Why Lord? Now understand, as I'm asking the Lord these questions...the Holy Spirit started bringing the answers to mind. I never doubted God one second. It is human to ask why. It is human to go through this process. "Hope deffered makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true there is life and joy." (Proverbs 13:13) When your hopes have been put on hold, its painful. Thats natural. There is a fine line that you can slip into sinfulness and get angry and bitter with God. Please know that I do not believe that behavior is right. I'm saying to feel sorrow, to experience grief, and to pour out your heart to God and ask WHY is okay. Its more than okay. The one person that you can ask those questions is God. He knows those questions are in your heart anyway- and its good to come and fall on your face before His throne and beg him for answers. Not to accuse Him. We must be careful never to accuse God. But to say, "Lord I love you and I don't understand, I'm hurting. What is your purpose behind this? Hold me tight because right now the pain is too much to bear and part of me wants to throw in the towel."

I have to say the reason I am sharing these dark, intimate moments is because I don't want anyone to believe that its easy to walk through something like this. Its not easy by any means. God's grace and mercy is enough to bring you through any heartache. Jesus is enough. I just don't want to put up a false front. I can put on a smiling face and greet you all daily because I have joy. I have faith. Know, however, that I also have pain. I know that one day the pain will be gone. However, it takes time to get there and there is nothing I can do on my part to speed up the grieving process. I want to share this because I don't want someone else to experience grief one day and expect that they will walk through it easy peasy pumpkin squeezy. Life hurts. Life is hard. BUT God is GOOD! Even in your sorrow, you can bring God glory.

I have been reading through "Comforts of the Cross" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. Its full of little devotions based on God's grace to us through the power of the cross. I don't read it every day. I pick it up every now and again. Its amazing, every time I do pick it up. Its exactly what I needed for that day. The other day I read "From Suffering to Glory". It is all about suffering and the Glory of God. Why we suffer. What is God's purpose behind suffering and why is it that the ones that He loves, He calls to suffer. Shouldn't we be exempt from heartache? There are people who will tell you that and they quite frankly are liars. No believer is exempt from pain or heartache. Its because Jesus loves us that He gives us times like these. The example Elyse gives us is that of Lazarus. Jesus loved Lazarus dearly. Jesus heard that Lazarus was sick and instead of rushing to him immediately to heal him. He waited. He purposely let Lazarus suffer and die before He went to him. Why would Jesus do that? He tells us. "It is for the glory of God, so that the son of God may be glorified through it." (John11:4) Jesus cared. Jesus wept over the loss of his friend. Jesus felt the pain of this man's sisters. Jesus was there with them experiencing all of the emotions they experienced. Jesus is compassionate. Then Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. Then he said to the sisters " Jesus said to her, did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40)

In all pain and sorrow, if we believe we will see the glory of God. How exactly we will see His glory is not known. But we are promised that God will be glorified even when we are sad and hurt. Jesus loves the Taras'. He is here with us experiencing all of our grief and sorrow. I just want to end with an exerpt from this devotional. I can't say it any better than she did!

I don't know where you are suffering right now, but He does. He is not capricious, picking petals off a daisy: "I think I'll help them, I think I won't". He's bearing your suffering and has entered into every bit of it, but He's waiting. Perhaps your deliverance will come before you take your next breath; perhaps it will come as you take your last. I don't know. But I do know that he has made a promise to you: if you believe you will see the glory of God. (John 11:40). Just imagine that. Hang on to him in faith and imagine that you will see the glory of God! Your eyes will be opened to see how truly wise, powerful, and good he is. Somehow, in some way hidden to your weak eyes, your suffering is making a way for that to happen. I don't know when your "Lazarus" will rise, but when he does, you will see something you never could have imagined. You will see God's glory, you will begin to see him as he is, and then you will understand.

"

Book List

2009-07-17T16:36:00.003-05:00

So the question has been asked if I were leaving this afternoon and wouldn't be back for 3 years, which books would I take with me? This is also a contest/challenge from my former youth pastor! You can check out his blog here and see the contest! Also, you must assume that you can read the bible online and have access to any Piper books. So Piper doesn't count on your list.

1. Because He loves me- Elyse Fitzpatrick. This book is phenomenal. I struggle so much with focusing on my sin instead of God's grace. It has opened my eyes and I am confident that I will be revisiting this book for the rest of my life.

2. Second to that, I'd have to bring Comforts from the Cross- Elyse Fitzpatrick- for the same reasons.

3. Anxious for Nothing- MacArthur. LOVE this book. Love the emphasis on Matt 6 this was a life changing book for me.

4. Hinds feet on High Places- Hannah Hurnard. Fiction but so wonderful! Encouraging about my walk with the Lord.

5. Trusting God- Jerry Bridges. This number 5 was a toss-up btwn Trusting God and The Attributes of God. However, Trusting God is chalk full of God's attributes. PLUS if I were leaving for 3 years, I would def. need help in the area of trusting God! No joke. I've had many friends up and leave for a few years at a time. Not easy I'm sure.

Anyhow- Hey, just for fun- let me know your top fave 5 books also!!! I always end up picking my next reads from other peoples "to read" or "have read" lists!

Teddy!

2009-07-01T10:59:00.005-05:00

Teddy is home! Its been quite a few months since Teddy moved in with the Winds. He had so many skin issues- due to allergies- and it was hard to have him in our cozy-close quartered home! We had decided to find a home for him because having his allergies tested to find the problem was going to be very costly. Becky is a vet and was kind to take him in and see what the problem was- get him back on track and would keep him if we decided that we still needed to find a home for him. Turns out no testing needed, he just has a very high sensitivity to fleas...and needed to be put on a pill...advantex wasn't good enough. As you can see, his coat is beautiful and he is no longer "stinky dog"! We have been very blessed by the Wind family! We joke that our families have joint custody of Teddy Bear! :o) BTW- in picture 2, I am not kicking him in the neck. Shar-Pei's have got to be the hardest dogs to take pictures of! He kept trying to run away!
Anyhow- we missed our sweet dog and all of his quirky-ness and are super happy to have him back home.

Ephesians!!!!!

2009-06-03T08:58:00.002-05:00

This summer I am also starting on the book of Ephesians. I love how the Lord prompts our hearts towards certain parts of His word, when He knows exactly what we need to be focused on! The Ephesians were faithful servants of Christ in many aspects BUT they were not aware of their great inheritance in Christ! They walked around like spiritual beggars because of this! How much do I forget all that I have in Christ- and I walk around feeling helpless and hungry! Looking for something to quench the pangs...and that's when I get into trouble! I forget Christ's love for me and that I am His daughter! So I began chapter one today and found these precious promises in His word! I just wanted to share them to encourage everyone else as believers, what we truly do have in Christ!

I have been....

...Blessed by Jesus Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places! (v3)

...Chosen in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy without blame before Him in love. (v4)

...predestined to adoption as a (daughter) by Jesus Christ Himself! According to His good pleasure! (v5)

...accepted into the Beloved! (v6)

Book Picks for the Summer!

2009-06-03T08:36:00.004-05:00

I am so excited about reading these books this summer! Our ladies were encouraged to read "A Simple Christianity" this summer by John MacAurthur. I have only read the intro but that was so encouraging and convicting, that I can't WAIT to dive in! Here is one little expert that I found really challenging:

"Love turned cold is the forerunner of spiritual apathy, which then leads to a love for the world, compromise with evil, corruption, death, and finally judgement. Can you imagine how you would feel if your husband or wife suddenly announced to you they didn't love you anymore, yet still planned to live with you, sleep with you, and that nothing would change? Likewise you wouldn't ever dream of telling the Lord you didn't love Him like you once did, but that you still planned to come to church to serve, sing, give, and worship Him. May I suggest, however, that many of you do just that, only you don't realize it. That's the danger of spiritual apathy."

I am also reading "Hind's feet on High Places" by Hannah Hubbard. This book is an allegory of the Christian life. This story is about "Much Afraid" who lived in the valley of humiliation. She was a servant to the Chief Shepherd and desired to please him...yet she was aware of a couple of things about herself that hindered her service. She had crippled feet that caused her to stumble about...as well as a crooked mouth "which greatly disfigured both expression and speech...these ugly blemishes must be a cause of astonishment and offense to many who knew that she was in the service of the great Shepherd." I have only made it through chapter one, but this is such an encouragement to me in my walk with the Lord! Oh how I feel the same ways that Much Afraid feels! I love how the author depicts Christ, He is a LOVING and caring shepherd, full of compassion and patience with Much Afraid as she struggles and fails along the way!

Anyhoo- I am looking forward to reading these books this summer and being encouraged in my walk with Christ! :)

Zoo pics

2009-06-01T21:04:00.003-05:00

BubbleShare: Share photos - Find great Clip Art Images.

Sparkling Sea of Sin

2009-05-14T09:16:00.003-05:00

"Let us....lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance..." (Heb 12:1)

I was reading "Comforts from the Cross" this morning by Fitzpatrick. Here is what she had to say about sin. "So just how powerful is this sin that clings so closely? In the original language of the Bible, sin is likened to a competitor who thwarts a racer in every direction. Sin has an advantage because it's not in a hurry. It can wait, and whenever you make a move in any direction, it will seek to block you. No mere human has ever been able to conquer its power on his own."

I have been doing some thinking this morning about the sin that clings so closely to my heart. My "pet" sin that I find myself always going back to is constantly crouching at the doors of my heart just waiting to come in. It waits until I am weary and parched and then it makes its move. When I stop being satisfied by the sweet water of the word, when I find other things to occupy my time besides meeting with my savior, when my soul is dry and my heart is longing...that is when this sin finds its home in my heart. Its not that I am a helpless bystander. No on the contrary. I openly invite it in. I look to it for comfort, for satisfaction, to quench the dry cracked fallow ground of my heart.

The only problem is that for the soul, drinking from the sparkling sea of sin, is much like drinking saltwater for the body. I'm positive that this analogy has been discovered before, but for me, this is the first time that I have pondered it. Drinking saltwater is dangerous because it only satisfies for the moment, the salt leaves you even more thirsty and so your desire for it begins to grow. The more you take in, the more you have to have. The reason for this is because it weighs more than regular water due to the salt content. Therefore, as it passes through your cells, your "good" water gets pushed out and the salt water remains. Your body needs more water to get rid of the salt that you took in. So you take in more and more until you become dehydrated and eventually die.

Sin works the same way. I have found that as I leave my own heart parched from not spending time in the word and being satisfied in Christ, I am more aware that I am surrounded by a sea of sin. Beautiful and sparkling. My heart is so thirsty for something to fill it that I go to satisfy my craving on the one thing that will lead not to it's quenching, but to my demise. The more I drink in, the more I am left thirsty, and the more I have to keep going back. It clouds my senses from realizing the damage that is taking place in my own heart. My love for the Lord begins to get pushed out, if you will, and my soul is left even more thirsty than before. Eventually it pushes out my satisfactions and contentments of my day to day life, and my relationship with others and Christ just stops being enough.

What a scary thing. Thankfully this analogy breaks down for the believer. While I am responsible for putting off the sin that weighs me down and clings so close to me and am called to run with endurance. He has promised to bring me to completion! I am so thankful for the promise of Christ sitting at the right hand of the Father. Which means that I will not ultimately be destroyed by sin because it no longer has power over me.

This race is no sprint that will soon be over. This is a long distance run that requires endurance. This race is full of sweat, blood, and tears. Every time I fall, I must get back up and keep my focus on Christ, the Author and finisher of my faith. Every time I drink of the deadly salt waters of sin, I must quickly go to the living waters of the word and drink of God's sweet grace. As I do this, my thirst for Christ alone will return, and will flush out my desire for worldly things. The sparkling waters of sin around me will grow dim and will no longer be appealing. How I wish that I could just camp out right here, that the sin around me would never be tempting. That I would never fall into temptation, that I would always have my focus on Christ. That isn't the race. It is long and it is hard. That is why we are told in Hebrews to run with ENDURANCE. That is why he reminds us to look to Jesus and not grow weary or fainthearted. He has endured the cross. He endured the pain. He is at the right hand of the Father. He has paid it all. He is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. Keep running and keep looking to Him. Keep drinking in the water of the word...and wait. He will give you strength to run, to fight, to finish in His timing.

It is finished....well, reading my latest book that is :)

2009-04-24T11:32:00.009-05:00

I have just completed "Because He loves Me" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. This has been a remarkable book for my spiritual growth in the area of grace. Both in understanding grace from the cross to me and then the grace that I need to be extending to others. In many many MANY posts before I have talked much about my need to understand the truth of the gospel in relation to my standing before God. In regards to my relationship with Christ. I have begged God for the past 5 years to help me understand this concept so that I am free. Free to worship Him. Free to pray, free to read my bible, love and serve my husband, love and discipline my daughter, keep my house, fellowship with and encourage my dear sisters in Christ. Free to do all of these things apart from the weight of self-condemnation. Before you begin to think "YES! She has finally got it!" Know that soon, tomorrow, in an hour, the very next second...I will need to be reminded all over again!

Here is a quote that I am not sure is in the book, but it was from the video we watched of Elyse during ladies bible study. "Self-condemnation is no better than idolatry. When we do this, we degenerate the cross" WOW!

There were many points in this book that I thought Elyse must have had some sort of telescope...or microscope looking at the intimate feelings of my heart! I have underlined, circled, starred, and highlighted so many portions of this book!!! It is the best book that I have ever read about the area of grace- but the reason it was so good is simply because it was centered on the gospel. Without reminding ourselves day after day of the hope of the gospel we will never see God's grace. We so easily forget!!!

What has been much more helpful to me than this book however has been the book of John. Reading the life account of our sweet savior has brought me more understanding and more love for Him than any other book that I could pick up. In fact, I had started in the middle of the book of John and worked my way through in about 6 months. Now I have started all over from the beginning. This morning I read the account of the woman at the well. What an amazing story that is so dear to my own heart! Jesus, while looking directly into her heart, seeing all of the vile contents, is so patient, loving, gentle and able to wash it all away. I am so thankful that while Elyse did not and cannot look deeply into my heart as she was writing this book, my precious savior does. He takes his word that is sharper than any double edged sword to work on my heart daily!! He constantly sees the gunk that is there and continues to love me anyway. Oh that I would be able to remember the gospel moment by moment!

"And you, who were once alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister." (Col 1:21-23)

Blessed Weekend

2009-04-16T07:10:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago we were so blessed to be able to take a little trip for the weekend. After all that has taken place over the past month, we just felt like it would be good for our family to get away. Before we could plan anything, some dear friends got together and planned our weekend for us, paid for the weekend, and even picked up groceries for us! All we had to do was get in the car and GO! It was such a wonderful time for our family. We went to Artesian Lakes in Cleveland, Tx. They have little cabins on canals. It was totally peaceful and quiet. There was no Internet, tv, or even phones. Our cell phones had no signal, thank goodness! So we were able to shut out the world and just enjoy each other for the weekend. This is really what our family needed! We spent time fishing, relaxing on the porch swing, playing games, reading, and talking- all with no destractions! I was ready to just move on in! :)

I am so thankful to the Lord for the body of Christ who serves one another and loves one another. We are so blessed by our sweet church family!

All (not so) Single Ladies.....try meal plans!

2009-04-14T17:13:00.010-05:00

I got inspired by a friend from the past (Jeanna) and a friend of the present (Jennifer) to make meal plans. I have to say that I LOVE IT! Never again will I wake up on Monday morning and say "what do I need to pick up from the store....what can I make for dinner this week?" It took 3 1/2 hours to get this all done- but it was sooo worth it! :) I encourage all ladies to think seriously about giving this a whirl! What a time saver!!!! I have 8 weeks completely planned out with full shopping lists for each week! I have it organized so that I don't have the same meal within a months time. Then I can just keep rotating the weeks :) Plus I have the meals coordinated so that I only have to cook the meat once a week because I am cooking it all at once and freezing a portion for the next meal.

First I have my notebook divided in sections:

*Calendar- So that I can keep track of which meal plan I am using for which week

*Meal Plans- With shopping list and plan ahead notes

*New Recipes- I have one new recipe night a month (mostly because this can get costly!) So one night a month I try something completely new!

Here is a little example of what one week looks like:

Meal Plan 7

M/T- Chicken Veggie Soup, Bread

W/Th- Spaghetti*, bread, salad

F- Pancakes, sausage, eggs

S- Chicken Quesadillas*

Plan Ahead:

*Use Tortillas from week before, use frozen prepared HB meat

Cook enough chicken for both dishes, freeze half

Shopping List:

French Bread

Romaine lettuce, cucumbers, Tomatoes, avocados

Hamburger Meat

Chicken Breasts

Sausage

Frozen Stew Veggies

Pancake Mix

Syrup

Noodles

Spaghetti Sauce

Salsa

Chicken Broth

Eggs

Cheese

Sour cream

Anyway- hopefully some of you will find this helpful. I know that I have! Thanks Jeanna for sharing about your meal plans- I am not as ambitious as you just yet- planning breakfast, lunch, and desserts, but I think I'm on the right track! Thanks Jenn for all of the planning ideas and cooking ahead ideas!

An example of love.....

2009-01-28T10:21:00.004-06:00

Ephesians 5:25-28" "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church , not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife, loves himself."

For nearly a week now, I have been pretty sick and totally unable to do much. My sweet husband has been given the grand task of trying to work, and take care of Naomi and I. Let me tell you. He has done this with flying colors! I am so thankful for such a wonderful husband! He has cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, did laundry, given baths, read stories, endured endless silly Disney movies, administered medication, taken us to the doctor, and basically kept life in our home going while I was out of commission.

Dallas, thank you so much for sacrificially serving me this week. I just appreciate everything that you have done to help nurse me back to health. Thank you for having such a gracious attitude about it and thank you for knowing me and our home well enough to know what to do and what was needed! I am so thankful for you sweet man! I love you!

Free Range Kids????

2009-01-15T09:10:00.006-06:00

So I saw this article today on google. A woman who writes for a newspaper decided to prove that her 9 year old son was perfectly capable of making it all day in New York by himself. She gave him some money, a map, and dropped him off at the subway. He had a blast going all through the town by himself and was able to return safely home. She now has a blog entitled "Free Range Kids". Here is the "mission statement" behind the blog:

Do you ever...
..let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting. Share your stories, tell your tips and maybe one day I will try to collect them in a book. Meantime, let's try to help our kids embrace life! (And maybe even clear the table.)

Okay so first I have to say it. WOW. Are you serious? Have you been watching "Home Alone" a little much? I wouldn't feel Naomi is safe even going to a public restroom by herself let alone ride on the subways of New York all day alone. Not even with a cell phone in case of an emergency. Here is another thing I would like to point out- Here in Texas we have free range chickens...but every now and then you loose one. Sometimes they wander off and get lost and can't find their way home. Sometimes they get stalked down and eaten by ferocious beasts. Thats okay for a chicken that costs next to nothing. Its not okay for our children.

I lived in Houston up until I was 9. We lived in a very nice neighborhood off of Wirt Road. Very busy road but we felt like we were always safe. Our parents thought that we were all safe. My friends and I rode bikes through our neighborhood all of the time- we played in the front yard and no one was worried about watching us. Unfortunately I ended up in a very dangerous situation that I will never forget as long as I live and will fight to make sure that my daughter never experiences that. I was the same age as that little boy- and I was not out navigating the town. I was waiting right outside my house at the bus stop by myself. (In broad daylight and on a busy street) Freedom is all fine and good until you feel like you are being punished by the consequences of that freedom. It was such a scary thing that our family moved down here to Montgomery. People are evil and vile. People look for kids who are by themselves. Easy targets. This lady thinks that our kids need freedom. She says that children don't need security detail to go outside. Looking back, I don't think I would have minded one bit if I had a whole army standing with me that day. Our children's freedom should never cost them their safety. Parents have to be wise. BTW- I totally do not blame my parents for what happened that day. We really did feel like I was safe standing there. It was a big eye opener for our family of the way the world is. I hope that this lady and her son does not have to learn this lesson the hard way.

The article also posted this question "when should our children be old enough to take on the world themselves?" My answer? When they are no longer children. When they are big enough to fight and get out of a bad situation. Can we teach them to do laundry on their own? SURE, but do they need to ride their bike alone to the laundry mat to learn? Can we teach them to grocery shop? SURE, but we don't have to send them off on their own to do that. Can we teach them to navigate on the subway or bus? SURE, but we can be with them during the training process to make sure that they are learning while still in a safe environment. We need to be faithful as parents to start training them for basic life skills so when they are old enough (older than 9 for sure) they will be able to be responsible enough to handle those types of situations. We should never train our children though, at the expense of their safety and quite possibly their lives. The blog smashes parents who are careful with their children. I wonder how many of these "free range children" end up on Missing Children's sites because the parent was not being careful enough.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

Becareful HOW you instruct your kids!!!!

2009-01-07T12:05:00.004-06:00

So for a while, Naomi was asking "why" after everything that I would say to her.

Example: Me- "Naomi, I need you to get your shoes on, we have to leave"

Naomi- "Why?"

Me- "We are going to the store."

Naomi- "Why?"

Me- "Because we need to pick up a few things."

Naomi- "Why?"

Okay- so you get the picture. I got really tired of trying to come up with answers for her and so I finally told her to stop asking me why. I thought this would work fairly well...and I was right. She stopped using the word "Why". What I didn't plan on is that she would substitute the word with "How". So now I have the problem of bad grammar and she is still asking me 50 questions!

Loving Jesus more in 09'

2009-01-01T10:54:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year!!!!

I went back and read my post from last New Years to reflect on how faithful the Lord has been to me over the course of a year. The funny thing is that my heart is still beating the same way it did one year ago! With a desire to understand God's grace in my life. The Lord has brought me through some interesting trials and brought me to some powerful scriptures to lean on and trust. The Lord has been so faithful to teach me about Himself and His perfect grace in every area in my life. He has also been teaching me more and more about my love for Him and how its dependent on His love for me. Even this morning as I am reading through the book of John, I just see His love for me poured out all over the pages. Every passage in the book of John has been showing me Christ's character as loving, patient, serving, sovereign, omniscient, and sacrificing. As I have been seeing his love for his disciples and his interactions with them, I have been more and more convinced that His love for me is also unwavering and unmeasurable. It is here as I have been able to more clearly see His love for me, that my love for Him is beginning to grow.

"As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you, abide in my love." (John 15:9)

"By this we know love, because He laid down his life for us, and we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren" (1 John 3:16)

"Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world He loved them to the end." (John 13:1)

"And we walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma...." (Eph 5:2)

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments" (John 14:15)

This last passage (John 14:15) was what I had read and meditated on this morning, that prompted me to go back and look at my post from last year. I have been asking for the Lord to show me His grace in my life and to understand it better so that I can "feel" free to love Him more. What I have been needing to understand, what the Lord has so lavishly provided in His word, is to better understand His love for me so that I am able to love Him more! In the commentaries that Dallas bought me for Christmas, I found something very encouraging.

"Some will not be able to say this, though they may actually love Jesus more than they are aware they do. If you are one who would like to love Him but who has not been able to do it, at least to your satisfaction, let me assure you that you will never learn to love by imposing it upon yourself as a duty. You will never love by saying "I will love, I will love, I will love" anymore than you can stop coughing by saying, "I will not cough." There is only one way in which you will come to love God, and that is by coming to know and believe in His love for you. Love provokes love. His love calls forth yours. Consequently, the way to love God is to learn that He loved you so much that He gave His only begotten Son for your salvation.....That is the only way any of us ever learn to love Jesus. We begin by learning to believe what the Bible says when it tells us that we are the vilest of sinners but how, nevertheless, Jesus died in our place, the just for the unjust......We begin by believing on Him as the Bible portrays Him. Next we see his love and come to love Him. Then, because we love Him, we keep his commands. (James Montgomery Boice)

So this year, my prayer is that the Lord will be gracious to show me His love for me in the pages of scripture and that Love will provoke love! That by understanding His unmerited love for me, I will begin to love Him more, and because of that, will learn to obey Him more.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T07:28:00.002-06:00

Much about Naomi

2008-12-05T09:57:00.007-06:00

I figure its been a while since I blogged about my sweet girl- and we have had some good laughs lately, I thought I would share!

Dallas and I are so blessed to have this beautiful, sweet, little girl. It amazes us that the two of us were able to produce something so beautiful!!! We know its only by God's grace and we laugh about it all the time. But she is more than just a pretty girl....she has such a sweet spirit about her and such a fun sense of humor.

This morning she begged and begged to go and play outside, even though its like 30 degrees out. I bundled her up and thought she looked cute- so I asked her to smile so I could get a picture. She replied "okay, but just one mommy". I guess every time I take her picture I take several- ha!

This is Naomi's best friend and playmate, Jelly. Yes, her cat's name is Jelly. She named her that. Dallas and I can't stand the cat- but Naomi adores her. Jelly follows Naomi everywhere she goes....

Naomi is going to be a great mommy someday, Lord willing! This is what she spends most of her time doing...taking care of her stuffed animals. The day I took this picture, she was tucking every single one of them into bed and distributing medicine. Apparently there was some sort of epidemic going around her room- and they all caught it at the same time. :)

Naomi is a big helper to me! She loves to take care of the house! One of the biggest ways she helps me is on laundry day! She gets the clothes out of the dryer, finds all of the dirty clothes piles around the house and puts them in the dirty clothes baskets, and then helps me fold the wash cloths. She does a super job! She really does love to help out- I wish I loved laundry day as much as she does!
Here she is "snug as a bug in a rug". This phrase makes her giggle uncontrollably! You can only see her hair sticking out as she snoozes peacefully underneath a heap of covers. We enjoy putting Naomi to bed each night. Partly because we are exhausted (lol) and partly because we get to pray with her. She has some of the most unique prayers. Here are a few phrases I have picked up on. Some of them are so cute- and some of them have blown me away!

"Thank you Lord that you are Glorious and Mighty"

"Thank you Lord that you made the whole world"

"Thank you Lord that you didn't make any monsters"

"Thank you Lord that you make us feel better"

"Thank you Lord that we will have sweet dreams"

"Thank you Lord that you keep the whole world safe tonight"

"Thank you Lord that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, that He is your Son"

"Thank you Lord that we can have so much fun!"

Remember back when you used to think that the whole world slept at the same time? I love the innocence! Yes, all throughout her prayer, she starts every sentence with Thank you Lord. I need to learn that! There are times that she leaves us with nothing left to pray for- so we just say "AMEN!"

We also love our little girl because she shares our same passions. STARBUCKS! Here she is enjoying a hot chocolate! Every time we drive by a Starbucks, she asks if we can stop. :)

Thank you Lord for this sweet blessing in our lives! Every day is new and fun- you never know what she will say or do next! We love her dearly!

Funnies.....sometimes are glimpses into your life...

2008-12-04T19:42:00.005-06:00

Dallas and I both agree that this happens in our house a lot. I'm always running around the house, looking for the phone as its ringing, and he is always sitting next to it, listening to it ring....oblivious to my mad dashes all about. Anyways, we thought it was pretty funny when we saw this in the paper. You may have to click on the image to read it.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!!!

2008-12-04T19:13:00.004-06:00

Yes, at the Taras household, it is looking very Christmas-y! We are so excited!!! Naomi helped me trim the tree while Dallas strung popcorn. Tonight, Naomi and I put together this gingerbread house! We had so much fun!!! I also got to put up my new Nativity set! The two previous nativity sets were "hand me downs"- and somehow one set is missing baby Jesus, and on the other, John has been decapitated. I have no idea how this happened- but it gave me an excuse to buy one of my own!!! Needless to say, we are all excited to celebrate the coming of our Savior this season!!!

Naomi is "Kung Fu Fighting!"

2008-11-24T21:32:00.004-06:00

Naomi's new favorite movie is "Kung Fu Panda". Since this movie came out- our daughter has been Kung Fu Fighting all over the place! Our fake ficus tree has been taking the brunt of the "roundhouse kicks", "karate chops", and "hi-ya's".

Here is "Master Tigress" getting ready to do some "cool moves."

Here is Naomi "making dumplings on the fire" in our living room. Notice her chopsticks?

Do WHAT!!!!?????

2008-11-13T21:25:00.003-06:00

This is not a joke. We took this photo at the drive through ATM at our bank in Montgomery. Seriously! Does anyone else see the problem with this? (Hopefully taking a picture of an ATM is not illegal in anyway!)